How Did I Get Here?

When I was in college...I had it all figured out. Graduate college, go directly on to a Masters program, have a Masters degree in education, start teaching, and continue to on to my PhD. I would be done with the Masters by 25 (at the latest), then get married, and start having kids. I was a Christian, I was told I could do whatever I wanted to when I was little (an injustice we continue to say to our children...more on that in another post), and I had a supportive family and friends...no abuse, no hardships to speak of. I mean, my dad worked his hiney off so we could go to private school, so he was absent sometimes, but...overall, my life was good, I had lots of advantages, I loved school, and I was quite intelligent.

So how did I end up here? An almost forty-year-old mom to one child, living out in the middle of nowhere, married to an incredible man, homeschooling of all things, got the Bachelors, but no Masters, certainly no PhD. I have health issues that I could have never anticipated, and other than being married to said incredible man, there really isn’t anything about my life that I planned on that worked out. At least on paper.

And honestly, I’m not sure how I feel about that. I mean, I know that MY plans started veering off course when I started working for Towne Air Freight…but I became very successful in that industry and I really loved it. But I knew it wasn’t my destiny. I did know my destiny would take me where I am today, yet here I am.

Jeremiah 29:11 tells us that God has plans for us. Plans to give us hope and a future. So I cling to that. I’ve posted about hope before; if I didn’t have hope, I can honestly tell you I wouldn’t be here. If this life was all there is, I would have totally checked out. I can promise you that.

But because I KNOW that this life is but a fleeting moment in the grand scheme of things; that my time on earth is so short, and that compared to eternity this is NOTHING. Because I KNOW that my Redeemer LIVES, and that I will be whole and perfect in heaven someday.

I will be strong again. No matter how old my baby boy is I will pick him up and throw him in the air, something I’ve really never been able to do.

I will get down on the floor with him and let him jump all over me, because in heaven, there is no more pain.

I will laugh and laugh and laugh, just like I used to, with tears rolling down my cheeks, you know, those kinds of tears that only hearty laughter can employ, without running out of air.

I will swim underwater and sleep on my stomach and take showers with my head tilted way back and not worry about drowning or suffocating.

I will see my Jesus, face to face, and KNOW that every second of every moment of pain and suffering that I may have gone through will evaporate when I look into his eyes, and He says, “Welcome Home. You have fought the fight. You have run the race. You didn’t quit. Well done.”


Oh, and I’ll be skinny too! That doesn't stink at all! : )

Going Out With A Bang

Well, as is typical with chronic illness, plans change. I wanted to spend time on a final post for invisible illness awareness week to inspire you, to move you, to raise your level of awareness, and incite compassion for those who suffer. I wanted to go out with a bang.

Instead, I'm just fizzling a bit. I had to go to Ann Arbor Friday for plasmapheresis. No biggie. It went pretty well. A bit slow, but nothing major. Got home and Jacob's nose was running. He has allergies, so I thought no big deal. Friday night he was coughing a little and really runny and stuffy, and I was just exhausted from the treatment. I was especially tired after this one.

Friday night, up most of the night trying to deal with Jacob, who was mostly ticked off because he couldn't suck his thumb. Saturday morning, I feel like I'm coming down with something. Asked people to pray. (Especially since I, in effect, just had my immune system removed.)

Today, Sunday, we were finally going to start looking at church together as a family. Obviously that's not happening.

So as happens very frequently in my life, I didn't get a thing accomplished this weekend, I can't do any of the things I'd like to, and my baby is sick. I'm NOT trying to elicit sympathy, I'm simply trying to explain that I live daily with that frustration of just. never. knowing.

And I was always the one with the dayplanner very carefully scheduled! And some people say God doesn't have a sense of humor.

So again, have extra patience dealing with people. If you have a friend who is chronically ill, please don't forget about them. They can be doing great one day, and in the proverbial weeds the next. And it goes on like that, day after day, never knowing what it's going to be like when I wake up. Good day? Bad day? Lots of change in my pocket? None?

Day by day. That's all I can do.