At A Loss

Today in Connecticut 20 children were murdered by an obviously mentally disturbed young man.  I heard the news today at my husband's work Christmas lunch.  I felt physically ill.  The first words that came out of my mouth: "Who shoots a CHILD?"

I want to be heard very clearly:  This world is broken.  It started with the breakdown of the family structure.  No more do we have the majority of children being born and raised by 2 parents.

In women UNDER 30, over 50% of children are born out of marriage.

In ALL ages of women, 41% of children are born out of marriage.

"It used to be called illegitimacy. Now it is the new normal." (New York Times)

“Marriage has become a luxury...,” said Frank Furstenberg, a sociologist at the University of Pennsylvania. (New York Times)

Children born in one parent homes have a higher likelihood of living in poverty, of having social and emotional problems, behavior problems, and failing in school.

Fifty years ago this didn't happen.

Fifty years ago children didn't get murdered at school by some deranged 20 year old.

Fifty years ago we still stood and said the Pledge of Allegiance in school, and we still read the Bible in school, and we still prayed.

But then we took God out.  And since then, all hell has broken loose.  Literally.

Columbine.
Virginia Tech.
A movie theater in Colorado.
A shopping mall in Oregon.
20+ children between the ages of 5 and 10, gunned down like animals.
A professional football player killing his wife/girlfriend and then himself.

Precious, innocent lives.  And do you want to know what I think?  I think it's because we, as a nation, basically gave God the finger, and instead of just smiting us right then and there, He left us to our own devices.  We kicked Him out, and He left.  He's not forcing His way back in...that's not how He works.

He's waiting to be asked.  So.  I'm asking.  Lord Jesus, Father God... forgive us.  Come back to us.  God tells us in His Word:
      "If my people, who are called by my name [Christian], will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land." 2 Chronicles 7:14

And I'm asking the same of you.  This doesn't get any more REAL.  Evil is REAL.  God is REAL.  Today is the repercussions of our own stubborn, proud, arrogance.  Please join me, and ask God back into our Country.

And The Hits Keep Coming

So I'm at the doctor yesterday waiting for them to determine what kind of pain meds to give me while I'm waiting to get into the pain clinic (need referral, evaluation, blah blah blah...but it will be worth it because this place has gotten very high marks from a good friend with the same issues as me.  Well, the same physical issues...I don't think she's quite as CRAZY as I am....).

The phone rings, obviously I don't answer.  When the nurse leaves the room, I check my voicemail.  It's very broken up because I don't have a very good signal.  All I hear is "CT scan, 12:45 the same day you see Dr. Lovy."  And I'm like, WHAT????

I was supposed to have plasmapheresis on Wednesday (tomorrow) then see Dr. Lovy.  Well, I called his office, and they said I need to come in at 12:15 for a 12:45 CT scan of my lungs, because the radiologist saw a nodule of some type in the bottom of one of my lungs on the chest x-ray I had done Friday.  So I have to have a CT with contrast tomorrow, and then Dr. Lovy will tell me what's going on at my appointment.  This is the SAME sequence of events as what happened to my dad: he got pneumonia, had a follow up chest x-ray, they saw a spot, he had a CT scan, and ended up with cancer. 

The bleeding from the trach trauma had stopped for about a day or two, and now I am coughing up blood again like I did when I had pneumonia.  My chest doesn't hurt though...so I don't know. I'm just getting really tired of fighting this fight.  Really.  Really.  Tired.

Now I KNOW the likelihood of the same thing that happened to my dad happening to me is minute to say the least, but yeah, I'm a little freaked out.  Trying not to panic....but even though I THINK I'm not worried about it, I didn't fall asleep last night until 3AM.  I was tired....heck, I was exhausted....but I couldn't sleep.  Took another pain pill, and got about 5 hours.  Now I have to go to the dentist today to have a tooth drilled and rebuilt. Can't afford the crown part til next year.

The only thing that's helping me survive right this minute (other than the grace of God and the prayers of many, many friends) is that the pain pills the doc gave me yesterday are helping, so I'm not in ridiculous pain anymore.  {sigh}

Anyway.  I had appointments for Thursday and Friday this week too, but I cancelled them.  Too much.  I can't deal with it all right now.

So if you could keep me in your prayers, I would appreciate it.