His Eye Is On The Sparrow

     

photo courtesy of the spruce

One of my favorite things about living in the country is that we get to watch so many birds.  Out the front living room window we have a bird feeder and another one in the dining room window right behind my chair.  In the winter we put suet out front, and in the summer we put out hummingbird feeders. A couple of years ago we even had Baltimore Orioles build a nest in one of our pear trees.

     When I lived in the city, about the only birds I saw were sparrows and blackbirds, and sometimes a robin.  Sparrows would always build a nest behind our basketball hoop on the garage; it was the "safest" place they could find.

    Out here...there's everything.  We also have blue jays, (stay away from their babies!  They will take your head off!) bluebirds, which I had never even SEEN before, sparrows, robins, and woodpeckers... and these giant things that LOOK like red-headed woodpeckers, but are really red-bellied woodpeckers.  They are about a foot tall and LOVE our cedar trees out front.  We have like 4 or 5 different kinds of woodpeckers.  They are really cool.  We also have nuthatches...they walk down the tree head first toward the feeder.  It's hilarious!

     I love the tiny chickadees.  They are so cute....and in the summer we have barn swallows, which I love, and yellow finches.

      But on the birdfeeder outside our dining room window, we have a Mafia ring.  One little sparrow, who isn't even the biggest of the sparrows let alone the other birds, is like the "Godfather".  (Or would that be God-feather?) Sorry, couldn't resist.  Seriously though....this little bird will sit up there and scare away anyone he doesn't want on the birdfeeder.  He has chased after other birds that didn't "listen", and makes a fuss when other birds land, even BIG birds...and scares them away.  It cracks me up.

     We have several pairs of cardinals this winter.  The bright red birds in contrast to the stark, naked branches and white snow is breathtaking.  But the males always get the attention because they are so bold.  The females however, at a distance, look drab and boring.  But when you see them up close, they are really beautiful.

     Some people in this life have the male Cardinal personality...like me.  We tend to hog the attention because we are bold and show up and say "HERE I AM!!!"  There are many however, like the female cardinal, that if you keep your eyes open, you see their real, genuine, heart-stopping beauty.  I'm sure we all know someone like that.

     My best friend Linda was like that.  She was truly beautiful on the outside as well as the inside, but she never drew attention to herself.  Whether she was just content to let me have the spotlight, or just didn’t want to compete for it, I don’t know.  Linda passed away just over nine years ago. And my heart is still broken.

     Anyway. The other day I was watching dozens of birds come and go, and even scratch on the ground like little chickens for the seeds that have fallen out of the feeders.  And I thought, “God is watching these little sparrows.  He takes care of them, He loves them...and I KNOW He laughs at the God-feather.”

     In Matthew 10:28-30 it says, "And do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. But rather fear Him who is able to destroy both soul and body in hell.  Are not two sparrows sold for a copper coin? And not one of them falls to the ground apart from your Father’s will.  But the very hairs of your head are all numbered.  Do not fear therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows." (emphasis mine)

     We don't need to be afraid of the things in our lives that we can’t control.  I know I want to be like the little sparrow that kind of “controls” the order of things.  But I am not in control of this life.  God has control, and I’m very grateful for that.  It means that I don’t have to fear chronic illness.

 

     We don't have to be afraid of that mean boss who has it in for us. We don't have to worry about how we are going to pay our bills; we don’t even have to worry about death!  God loves us, and takes care of us.  If God takes such good care of a sparrow, which were sold 2 for a penny, how much more does He love and care for us? 

     Whether you believe in God or not, He believes in you. He loves you. He wants to take care of you.  Even more than the sparrows.

Here are the lyrics to one of my favorite songs called, “His Eye Is On The Sparrow:”

1.    Why should I feel discouraged, why should the shadows come,
Why should my heart be lonely, and long for heav’n and home,
When Jesus is my portion? My constant Friend is He:
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

o    Refrain:
I sing because I’m happy, I sing because I’m free,
For His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

2.    “Let not your heart be troubled,” His tender word I hear,
And resting on His goodness, I lose my doubts and fears;
Though by the path He leadeth, but one step I may see;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

o    Refrain:
I sing because I’m happy, I sing because I’m free,
For His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

3.    Whenever I am tempted, whenever clouds arise,
When songs give place to sighing, when hope within me dies,
I draw the closer to Him, from care He sets me free;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;

His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

o    Refrain:
I sing because I’m happy, I sing because I’m free,
For His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

At Hand

photo courtesy of whatsinthebible.com

I don’t know how many times I have read, said, or quoted Philippians 4:6.  “Do not be anxious about *anything*, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.”   So what does that mean?  Well, very basically, it tells us to not worry, to pray, implore, plead, about everything with thanksgiving.

The other day I was reading this in the ESV of the Bible.  The end of verse 5 hit me like a sledge hammer.  I have always focused on verse six.  In the NIV, verse six starts with a capital letter.  Why is that important?

Well, in the ESV, the second part of verse five says, “The Lord is at hand;”…  Do you notice the semicolon?  Oh, how I love the semicolon! It is defined as:

“a punctuation mark (;) indicating a pause, typically between two main clauses, that is more pronounced than that indicated by a comma.”

The semicolon is a powerful little punctuation mark.  It means that the author could have chosen to end the sentence, but chose to continue.   It connects two main ideas. Why is that important in this context?  Because BOTH sides of the semicolon are equally important!  My friends, the Lord is at hand!

The term “at hand” means, “Nearby; physically within one's reach.”  ( Yes, I know my “word nerd” is showing; please bear with me.) Think about what that means in the context of this passage!  God is physically nearby; do not be anxious about anything!  Pray about everything, and be thankful. 

The Amplified Bible says it this way: “The Lord is near. ⁶ Do not be anxious or worried about anything, but in everything [every circumstance and situation] by prayer and petition with thanksgiving, continue to make your [specific] requests known to God.”

The Lord is near.  He is right. next. to. you.  I used to think, how can I seriously pray about everything WITH thanksgiving??  “Thank you, God, for this disease.  I am so thankful for Myasthenia Gravis!”  But do you know what?  I AM thankful.  I honestly wouldn’t change anything.

 

When you start doing things the Lord’s way, your life will change…for the better.  Not even for the better!  For the best!  God wants YOU to have your BEST life.  And there’s only one way to do that. (Sorry, Oprah.)  That is through the cleansing, powerful blood of the Lord Jesus Christ.

My dear brothers and sisters…I know this life is not easy.  But God is at hand!  He is with you always!  We do NOT need to worry.  I know this is tough stuff.  I’ve been at it 47 years and still forget.  God has your best in mind.  Jeremiah 29:11 says that God has plans for us!  Plans for good, and not for harm.  So how can having an incurable disease be for my good?  I mean, seriously?

I’ll tell you.  This disease changed the course of my life.  Before MG, I was a career woman.  I had a great albeit stressful job, made incredible money for a 28 year old kid, and worked really hard.  I played hard too.  I was NOT living my best life.  Not by a longshot.  Along comes MG, and suddenly I’m 100% dependent upon the Lord for everything.  Every hour.  Every minute.  Every second.  Every breath.

When you truly don’t know if you’re going to live or die, your perspective changes greatly.  Suddenly I wasn’t so worried about how much money I made.  I was more concerned about the side effects of the medication I was taking.  I wasn’t so much worried about keeping my house spotless, I was more concerned about keeping my trach super clean so I didn’t get an infection that would kill me.

I’m telling you from 20 years with this disease:  God IS near.  He IS the only way to peace.  Verse 7 of Philippians 4: “ And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

Isn’t that what we all want? Peace?  Peace that we can’t even understand.  So don’t worry.  Pray about everything.  Be thankful.

Because God is at hand.

TOO Much Going On

It's not that there's too much physically going on in my life...I'm busy, but I'm feeling okay (other than the sinus infection and bronchitis) MG-wise.  I have a treatment Friday, and then again on Monday.  Then the goal is to get the port placed before Thanksgiving, and have my next treatments after Thanksgiving WITH the port.  One can hope.

But I mean emotionally right now....Other than my dad being diagnosed with cancer, even though it's Stage I thank the LORD!  There are 2 others VERY dear to me that are at this very moment waiting for test results that could change their lives.  And mine.  It's so hard to wait, and yet there's no other way.  So I wait.  And wait. And pray.  And pray some more.  Not ready to reveal who these folks are because 1. I don't have their permission, haven't asked, and 2. there may be nothing to share, but I do ask for your prayers. God knows who they are and what they need.

And may I be so bold as to ask for continued prayers for me...Emotional stress is harder on my MG than physical stress is.  I can sit and make jewelry for hours and be fine....but the moment one of my loved ones gets bad news or is hurt or "messed with" in any way, the emotions go up, the tension goes up, and the MG goes DOWN.

I am so thankful that I am a woman of faith.  I do not know how I would get through this without knowing that God is in control, and that everything will work out for good for those who love Him and keep his commandments.

ANYWAY.  Just have a lot going on in every area of my life, and it's a bit stressful.  Jacob is learning a lot but has a lot of difficult questions because he is so smart!

The other day he asked me if I was going to have any more kids.  That is like salt in an open wound.  He doesn't know that, of course....But trying to explain that Mommy wants more but Daddy doesn't without making Daddy sound like a bad guy to a 5 year old is tough.  He doesn't understand all the nuances that go along with that decision making process.

And then this morning he asked why Jesus had to die.  Good grief.  I'm just pooped.  I'm probably go lay down in a bit.  I need to rest!!

From My Hubby's Point of View

I am actually at my hubby's work right now, because we had terrible storms this morning and I didn't want to be home by myself. So I'm sitting here and thinking...AHA! Great opportunity for HIM to tell you (through me or you'd only get 2 or 3 words!) what's it's like being a caregiver to someone with chronic illness. So I asked him what affects him the most, or what stands out greatest in his mind as to dealing with my disease.

His first response was : mood swings. For example, some of the medications I'm on, particularly prednisone, makes my moods swing very dramatically at times. This past year I've not not-so-great a year. I've been on higher doses of prednisone, and there were lots of anger issues and lots of crying. Also, I do not handle disappointment well. I'm getting better. But he hates seeing me get my hopes up and then not be able to do what I had planned.

He also doesn't like how it effects me when people judge me one way or the other. Many look at me and just see a mostly normal looking person, with a trach, maybe thinking I had throat cancer. (Oh, poor thing, kind of thing). Or, they look at me like I'm normal, and I'm just taking up the handicapped spot because I am lazy. That one BURNS my butt. He also notices when people treat me like a sick person...acting like I can't do a THING for myself...and they talk really loud too, which cracks me up.

I asked my husband what the worst thing was. He said not knowing what's going to happen five minutes from now. "One minute she's sitting here typing, and the next she could have severe double vision, sudden neck weakness and arm weakness, and not be able to drive home."

I think he really worries when I go out, especially by myself (without Jacob) not that that really happens TOO often...because he says my pride won't let me call him if I needed help. He's probably mostly right. : )

I asked him what his primary emotion was regarding me, my health, and our lives with my health. The overwhelming response was worry. Worry that I will be okay, that I will be able to do what I need to do with Jacob, worry that we don't be able to complete plans we've made...

So there's a tiny bit of the point of view from a caregiver of a chronically ill person. My husband does NOT talk about emotions, and I had to ask 1 question 10 different ways before he answers. It's like pulling teeth! But I think he did a pretty good job.

Thanks honey!