Suffering Can Be A Purpose

A dear friend and fellow blogger, Pam sent me a link to a youtube video. Now that I have broadband, I can see youtube!! It still stops a few times to keep loading, but it's worth it. She sent this amazing quote from Charles Spurgeon:

"One Sabbath morning, I preached from the text`My God, My God, why hast Thou forsaken Me?' and though I did not say so, yet I preached my own experience.
I heard my own chains clank while I tried to preach to my fellow-prisoners in the dark; but I could not tell why I was brought into such an awful horror of darkness,
for which I condemned myself.

On the following Monday evening, a man came to see me who bore all the marks of despair upon his countenance. His hair seemed to stand up right, and his eyes were ready to start from their sockets. He said to me, after a little parleying,
"I never before, in my life, heard any man speak who seemed to know my heart.
Mine is a terrible case; but on Sunday morning you painted me to the life,
and preached as if you had been inside my soul."

By God's grace I saved that man from suicide, and led him into gospel light and liberty; but I know I could not have done it if I had not myself been confined in the dungeon in which he lay. I tell you the story, brethren, because you sometimes
may not understand your own experience, and the perfect people may condemn you for having it; but what know they of God's servants? You and I have to suffer much for the sake of the people of our charge....You may be in Egyptian darkness,
and you may wonder why such a horror chills your marrow; but you may be altogether in the pursuit of your calling, and be led of the Spirit to a position
of sympathy with desponding minds."
-C.H. Spurgeon-

What a privilege indeed. Thank you to all of you for your kind comments on my post yesterday. I sincerely appreciate each and every one. God Bless you!!!

What is my purpose?

Struggling today. I feel so....purpose-less. Mundane. I looked in my Synonym Finder (for those newer readers: I'm a word nerd. Other than the Bible, this is my lifetime favorite book) and this is how I feel today: Mundane. Common. Trite. Regular. Ordinary. Everyday. Stale.

Sometimes I feel like life is passing me by...when I'm ill I miss so much...when I'm not, I'm catching up on all the mundane tasks of life that I couldn't handle when I wasn't feeling well. Everything is the same. I mean, yes, I have a wonderful husband and son, and I am blessed with them beyond anything I deserve, for sure. I love them with all my heart, and thank God every day for them.

I just feel so restless. Almost as if this illness has taken me out of the "game" and the "sub" they sent in has taken over...I'm not part of the team anymore. After you're out of the picture for so long, you get replaced. Work. Church. Friendships. Family. Out of sight, out of mind.

I don't know...hard to explain. I'm not trying to feel sorry for myself, honestly. I just feel kinda lost. I blog about my illness, about chronic illness...try to educate peole...but honestly. With 20 followers, am I really making a difference?

I don't know where I fit anymore. I don't work. I don't really have a church that I belong to. I can't be commit to anything regularly due to my health, so I don't join things. And that's isolating. And for an extrovert who thinks isolation is a special level of hell, it's not a lot of fun for me.

I don't need ridiculous fun and fireworks every day of my life...I get that that isn't realistic. A few sparks here and there would be nice. It's like, is this really all there is? There's just got to be more...I was made for more! But that "more" always seems just out of my reach.

Must be my midlife crisis or something. I guess that partially explains the purple hair. : )