Lost Relationships

Sometimes it's so subtle you don't even realize it's happening...until one day, you wonder when the last time you talked to so-and-so was.

Other times, communication just flat out stops. Sometimes you even reach out for a reason when a person just suddenly, completely stops talking to you.  And they never give you the time of day again, let alone tell you what you did that caused them to just shut off. And you know it’s happened again.

Another relationship lost.  Succumbed to “busy-ness”, or work, or distance, or something you can’t even explain away.

There have been studies on animals (I'm not saying they're right or wrong, so don't go all PETA on me....I'm just making a point) where if an animal is abandoned at birth, and is not touched by another being...animal OR human, they will die.  As in, never-take-another-breath dead.

I saw on CNN a couple of years ago that people who have less than 1.5 (not sure how you get the .5 part...) "face-to-face-real" friends, as opposed to Facebook, twitter, etc., shorten their life span by 8 years.  These "friends" are people you talk to almost daily, people you see on a regular basis, people you get together with and do things with.  They had some psychiatrist specializing in socialization on there, and he said isolation is as dangerous to people as cigarette smoking.

Wow.

I guess I'm in big trouble. I *did* just start a Bible study with my friend JoAnne, and that is beyond awesome!! Thank God for her, or I’d be in super-big trouble!

I know people have lives.  I get that. I can get really busy with homeschooling, writing, just plain life. But I'd like to think that I'd make time for others. If I were healthy, I'd like to think that I would get out and visit people who can't get out themselves.  I'd like to think that Jacob and I would visit people in the hospital, and people in nursing homes, and people in prison, and people with chronic illness who just need some cheering up.

I’ve always wanted to volunteer at soup kitchen, or work at food pantry. It’s always the germ factor that gets me.  As I have said before, people with Myasthenia Gravis (MG) have to be very careful about getting sick.  People with compromised immune systems, like me, don’t die from old age.  We die from a cold that turns into pneumonia, which can lead to being intubated on a vent…So any kind of cold germ is very dangerous.

As a matter of fact, my sweet MG friend Rachel got the flu that her son brought home from school.  That turned into an infection, and yesterday she was hospitalized in ICU with a bi-pap machine helping her breathe. It’s very, very real.

I DO live in the middle of nowhere, and there's nothing I can do about it.  We can’t afford to move, and Jacob and Doug LOVE it here, so I’m in the minority. And that hampers a lot of people from coming out.  Especially in the winter, which I totally get.

When I saw the study about people with mostly “social media” –type friends, I have to admit, it kind of threw me. It made me realize what I already knew in my heart to be true: real people, real, in-the-flesh friends, are vital to living.

Thankfully I now have 2 ladies whom I see on a regular basis…one of whom I mentioned above, and another lovely, godly woman who has been faithfully coming to my house every other week for several years now.  What a blessing!  What a godly example of visiting the sick! And I have another friend who comes over maybe once a month. 

I encourage you, if YOU are in need of some face-to-face “real” friends, please reach out.  Please. Don’t stay isolated and alone.  Reach out to someone…anyone. A local church or youth group, a family member, and old friend… Just don’t let your computer or your tablet or phone take the place of flesh and blood.  It really isn’t the same thing.

And if you KNOW someone who IS alone, who is isolated for the majority of their waking hours, please go visit them.  Call them up, send them an email; how you get a hold of them isn’t important.  Tell them when you have some time, and ask them what you can do for them.  You may never fully realize the gift you are giving them.

^"Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.” Hebrews 10:23-25

Yesterday

Ug.  Yesterday was one of "those" days.  I felt okay physically, but along with a chronic illness comes emotional and mental stress.  One of the WORST things about chronic illness is that it is so isolating by nature.  It's not really anyone's FAULT...it just is.

Doug and Jacob were outside all day in the sunshine (which is too warm for me and makes me itch), and I was once again stuck in the house.  Doug says, "Well, what do you want to do today?  Why don't you come out by us?"  Which would mean going out and sitting in the shade somewhere, being swarmed by bugs (I must emit a pheromone that attracts every insect within a country mile...they LOVE me), watching Doug and Jacob do things I can't.  Hmm...no thanks.  I don't need salt in the wound.

So yes, I had a big ol' pity party.  I bawled most of the day, wondering why I have 2 wonderful ladies in my life that come once a week, and that's about it.  I don't see anyone else really regularly.  Weekends really stink because everyone is doing stuff with their families, and mine is outside.  Yesterday I just needed someone with skin on.  Someone to come to my house just to visit me.  I'm not contagious.  I don't have cooties.  I needed a hug and someone to tell me that they love me just the way I am.  Bug-hating, sunshine-itching, allergic-to-the-world, chronically-sick ME.  Even thinking about it again gives me a big ol lump in my throat.

I am an extrovert.  I love people.  But it appears that people don't love me....or as my ever-so-positive- hubby says, "they love me....from a distance." Nice.  It just seems that I used to have a lot of friends.  I could call a handful of people and say, "Hey wanna go out for lunch?"  Now, it's just me.  And Jacob.  And for a few hours on Tuesday, Karen and Kerry.

I'm thankful for a dear MG friend who gave me an "I hear you" letter, and a gentle but swift kick in the pants.  My kinda gal.  Thanks CindyLou. 

Anywho.  I'll stop whining now.  I just want people to understand that sometimes the PHYSICAL part of chronic illness is the LEAST painful.

Brain Overload

There's a concept called 5-minute Fridays in the blogosphere. You're supposed to write for 5 minutes, unedited, un-proofed, no fixes, etc. I'm terrified to do it. You will all come to realize how very close to crazy I really am!

I read these very poignant, beautiful poems and prose that the women who participate in 5-minuted Fridays write. It's amazing. There aren't any typos either! I'm like, really? Me, unedited for 5 whole minutes? They do give you a topic, but my brain is like spaghetti. One string leads to another, and another....I start talking about friendship and end up talking about my Aunt Ethyl who had a hip replacement before I was born. (I don't have an Aunt Ethyl, by the way).

So, I'm doing a mini-version today, just to see what it would look like. I'm going to set my phone watch for like 3 minutes, and see what happens. The topic is: Chronic Illness. (I know, BIG shocker!)

START:

I hate chronic illness more than I hate anything else in my entire world. It stinks. It's lonely. It's isolating. I just sent a prayer request to a few people that I know and love, and who will love me no matter how ugly I am inside OR out. I'm having loneliness issues right now, and having a hubby with the emotional quotient of a mushroom doesn't help. (Hey it said unedited). So I'm thinking, I just need prayer. I have to ask people to pray for me. And I did...at 2 AM when I couldn't sleep because all I could think about was how lonely I was and how my hubby's words of wisdom didn't exactly sit well. But he was right, really. I mean, who wants to give up their weekend and come sit with a sickie? People have lives. I understand that. I really do. But I want one. That's my problem! I want to be normal. Sort of. I just want to have some semblance of a real life where I can be sort of independent and go and do things that I know others can do. And I want more friends, like I used to have. Friends to go out with. But my stupid disease stops me from so much.

STOP

Okay, that wasn't so bad! Three minutes, and probably a million typos. That was about 72 words per minute, not counting errors. I don't know if "they" deduct from that or not. Do you ever wonder who "they" are anyway???

Anyway. I'm really excited about a bible study that I got that isn't even released yet, that I get to review. I'm not sure if I can say what it is or not so I won't for now, but let's just say I think it's exactly what I need right now.

To be truthful (do I know any other way??) I'm really struggling. I need an accountability partner. One who is tough, but won't make me cry or anything. I can be kind of...umm.... I'm not sure what the word is...let's just say I have a big personality??? I need someone to speak straight with me. But not someone too close. Any suggestions? I need to stay in this Bible study because I have a commitment to review it. I'm hoping that will get me in the habit of it anyway. It's a 10 week study, and it's supposed to only take 21 days to form a new habit. SO....

I've got so much I need/want to work on, but that needs to come first. I have to get out of this dumpy schlump I've been in (Yes, schlump is a word) and get back to kicking butt and taking names. Now if I can just find my butt-kicking boots.....

Oh, and P.S. My OCD wouldn't let me NOT fix the typos in my 3 minute unedited rant. SORRY!