Stop Chirping!!

"Who knows the beginning of the things which we CAN know? Theory! Theory! We chirp theories like chickadees because ignorance is a terrifying thing and we need the noise." -Walter Wangerin

This was posted on a friend's Facebook awhile back, and it really caught my attention.  I am a person who used to HAVE to be surrounded by noise.  Two things have always been extremely difficult for me to do: to be still, and to be quiet. (Ask my mom.)  In fact, my mother got me a Precious Moments pin when I was probably 12 or so, and it said, “Slow me down, Lord!” 

I used to hate quiet.  Hate it. The silence literally hurt my ears.  It was deafening! I grew up sleeping with a fan all summer because we lived in a house that didn’t have air conditioning.  I got used to the noise.  Now, I have my oxygen concentrator at night, and my compressor which sounds like a small, low-flying aircraft!  I cannot sleep without noise.  My poor husband!  He loves the stillness…the absolute quiet of darkness.

When I still lived with my folks, I remember coming home late in the evening, and finding my mom sitting in the living room, by herself, in the half-dark, no radio or TV on, nothing. She was just sitting there. She wasn’t even looking at a magazine or reading a book! I used to think she was crazy. Then I had a child!

Before I got sick, I had to fill every atom of space around me with something: noise, music, work, play, fun, people.  I was so afraid of the silence and what it might bring; that I would have to own up to some inappropriate behavior or that I would have to admit that I didn't know it all or have it all, that I couldn't DO it all. It was through all that noise that I lost the ability to hear the whispering of my Lord.

¹¹ Then He [God] said, “Go out, and stand on the mountain before the Lord.” And behold, the Lord passed by, and a great and strong wind tore into the mountains and broke the rocks in pieces before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind; and after the wind an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake; ¹² and after the earthquake a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire; and after the fire a still small voice.”   I Kings 19:11-13 NKJV

I LOVE this Scripture.  I remember the first time I read it; it made SO much sense to me!  I had not been hearing that “still small voice” because I had been listening to the wind, and the earthquakes, and the fires. 

Thankfully, I did get sick, and being sick forced me to slow down and be quiet.  And once again I began to hear that still, small voice of God. I think part of appreciating the silence is not being afraid of it. "We chirp theories like chickadees because ignorance is a terrifying thing and we need the noise."  If we're trying to figure everything out we don't have to live with the unknown, because the unknown is terrifying.

If we're talking and moving and doing, if we’re focused on the wind and the earthquake and the fires in our lives, we’ll never be able to hear what God is trying to say.  Because many times, God isn’t in the loud, dramatic things. He’s in the caress of a gentle breeze.  He’s in the touch of a newborn’s cheek to our own. He’s in a whispered “I love you”, as you watch your child fall asleep.

So today I challenge you to be quiet. To embrace the silence.  To put aside the theories.  To stop trying to solve the world's problems... or even your own. And just listen for that still small voice.  Put down the remote, turn off the computer, take a deep breath, and Just. Be. Still.

Closer Than Family?

There exists a bond between people who have shared experiences that is quite like no other.  For example, parents who have lost a child.  I wouldn’t be able to comfort those people in any extraordinary way. But a Mama or Daddy that HAS lost a child can feel a very close, very special bond.  Closer than even their blood relatives.

The same could be said for women whose husbands have prematurely died, or vice versa.  Or for folks who’ve lost someone to a disease.  There’s just a “knowing” that goes on.  You don’t have to try hard to explain.  It’s a fellowship unlike any other.

I have “friends” on the internet that I’ve never met in person, or even talked with on the phone.  But because we share a diagnosis, Myasthenia Gravis, we are kindred spirits.  The same can be said of their families. If one of my MG folks has a mother, father, child, sister, whomever, that needs prayer, we pray.

Right now we are praying for my friend Cyndi.  Her husband Joe passed away a few years ago from Myasthenia Gravis.  I didn’t have the pleasure of knowing Joe, but I met Cyndi very shortly thereafter.  She was wondering if she should leave one of the support groups she had been in because of Joe, and everyone had this resounding reply:  No!

Cyndi is in the hospital with meningitis and MRSA.  She has been on a vent for a week.  If you are of a like mind, would you please add her to your prayers?

I mentioned support groups…I have several on Facebook, and they are my lifelines.  Truly.  To just be able to say three or four words and have 100 other people say, “Oh how I understand!” and you know they DO because they either have, or are, walking in your shoes.

The best-meaning friend, family member or spouse cannot truly fathom having Myasthenia Gravis.  That doesn’t mean they don’t try.  That doesn’t mean that they don’t love us like crazy.  They DO.  They just can’t 100% “get it.”

They may be closer to understanding if they themselves have a different chronic illness, but it’s never 100%.  I have had the pleasure of meeting several of my Facebook friends.  And let me tell you… I have felt, in almost every single instance, like I had known these people for my entire life. For example, on our way out to North Carolina last year, we stopped at my friend Dar’s house.  She and her husband Terry have been Facebook friends on mine for years.  Dar has MG like me.  We had *never* met them, and yet we stayed overnight at their house.  It was like seeing long-lost friends that we hadn’t seen in ages. We even changed our plans for the following day so we could hang out longer with Dar. You can’t fake that.  You can’t BUY that.

So when people say, “they’re only your friend on Facebook…it’s not real…” I HIGHLY beg to differ.  These people are TRUE friends.  They are MORE than real.  I love them all so much.  When one of us is struggling, those of us who aren’t rally around that family more than our own.

It’s not that I don’t love my family.  Of course I do.  Having a life-altering illness in common, however, is a very strong, immediate bond.  And like MG (unless there’s a cure) that bond is for life.

“Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil.  For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up!  Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone?  And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken.” Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

Suffering

I am doing a series of Bible studies on suffering by Rosemary Bardsley. I basically did a search and came upon these studies. There are 12 of them all together, and I'm only on number 2, and already have been profoundly affected.

I think the thing that struck me the most (and oddly, something I already knew), is her words about suffering being an ABNORMAL part of the world. Now, when I say I knew this, I mean in the sense that suffering exists because we live in a fallen, broken world, ruined by sin.

But the author goes into DETAIL about this. For example, in the normal world, everything God created was "very good." In the normal world, because humans were made in God's image, they reflected his "character and glory." In the normal world, work was a blessing, marriage was fulfilling and satisfying, there was no killing (this was before animal sacrifice for sin, before Cain killed Able, even before men killed animals to eat). In the normal world, there was no shame.

From What People Say About Suffering, by Rosemary Bardsley:

"Our Sovereign God created a world that was very good, in which the words "sickness" and "suffering" and "poverty" had no meaning, because there was none.... At that point sin, and along with it, suffering entered the world. That suffering is here because of sin is obvious. Why God, who is powerful, good and loving, permitted sin, is not so obvious. But it is obvious in the Bible that the present condition of the world...is not the way God created it to be, and is not the way it will be. We live in a time that is "in between"-neither the original nor the eventual.... [Suffering] has no permanent right to be here. It has no ultimate power or authority. It is not greater than the Owner of the world, nor can it turn Him aside from His purpose. Indeed, so great is the gulf between His power and its power that He takes it in His hands and makes use of it in His eternal plans."
(emphasis mine).

Can I get an AMEN!! God “takes suffering in His hands and makes use of it in His eternal plans.” Do you know what that means? Because I suffer, I am part of God's eternal plan. Because YOU suffer, YOU are part of God's eternal plan.

Read that again.  I have to write that again!  Because we suffer, we are part of God’s eternal plan! Hallelujah!

What could be more important than that? Those who suffer are being used for eternity. This, this life, this world that we populate, that we "live" in, for now....it's NOTHING. It's a fleeting moment in the grand scheme of things. It's not the original created perfect world, nor is it the world that will be when Christ returns.

We are truly waiting....but while we wait, let's DO something. Let's ALLOW God to use our suffering for eternity. Let's ALLOW ourselves to be instruments that play music that may be the only harmony some people ever hear.

^“No longer will there be anything accursed, but the throne of God and of the Lamb will be in it, and his servants will worship him.  They will see his face, and his name will be on their foreheads.  And night will be no more. They will need no light of lamp or sun, for the Lord God will be their light, and they will reign forever and ever.” Revelation 22:3-5 ESV

Swimming Upstream

photo courtesy of ulc.org

That's me.  Swimming upstream.  Going against the flow.  Fighting my way through. Sometimes it gets really old…but I’ve been doing it pretty much my whole life.  I’ve never been one to just join the crowd or choose something just because it’s “popular.”  In fact, I may do the exact opposite; choose something because it’s NOT popular.  When I was younger anyway. (No strong will here!) Ha!

But there are times when going against the norm is just plain difficult. 

Homeschooling.  Sometimes I feel like I'm "this" close to sending Jacob to school, but I just CAN'T.  Not just because of the germs either. You see, having a chronic illness like Myasthenia Gravis means that I have to take medication to lower my immune system, which means I am immunosuppressed.  That means that I get sick more easily than the average person, and we all know how elementary school is basically a large petri dish.

People with MG don’t always die “just” from MG. But don’t you believe for one second that people don’t die from it…I can give you far too many names of those who have. However, sometimes, they die from complications caused by the disease. For example, I knew a young lady who went from aspirating her breakfast (breathing something into her lungs/airway) to the vent to cardiac arrest and death in 48 hours.  She had MG, but had been stable until that incident.  It can happen “that” fast.

It’s not JUST that.  There are so many things I just don’t need him to know that he would learn at public school.  And, (I’m not just saying this because I’m his Momma…I’m also a teacher by trade) Jacob is just so smart....he would be bored out of his mind in a “regular” classroom.   But it's just not healthy to be around your child 24/7/365. 

People give me grief about homeschooling.  “Why don’t you let him go to school?”  He IS going to school.

“Why are you afraid of public school?”  I’m not afraid, thank you very much.  I’m mostly annoyed with it because it teaches things I don’t believe in, and I don’t need my 10 year old son to even KNOW what marijuana is, or have to turn down a cigarette from a 12 year old.

However living where I live, (in God’s country, for sure)… there is a lot of isolation. 

Feeling alone emotionally. 

Physically, for sure.  Mentally.  Parenting.  Discipline. It's tough right now, let me tell ya.  It’s tough to homeschool if you’re 100% healthy.  Add chronic illness into the mix, and it’s really quite hard.

I know other people have it much worse.  MUCH worse.  There are a few people in some of my MG groups online who are MUCH sicker than I am, and have other horrifying personal things going on.  I know that I have to keep my chin up. 

Jesus told us that in this life we would have trouble. 

  

“A time is coming and in fact has come when you will be scattered, each to your own home. You will leave me all alone. Yet I am not alone, for my Father is with me. I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:32-33

 But He also told us that He would never leave us or forsake us.

^8” The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” Deuteronomy 31:8.

That’s one of my and Jacob’s memory verses.  See, we can DO that in homeschool.  My son knows the Word, and has since age 5.  He has dozens of Scriptures already memorized.  Yes, he learns a lot on Wednesday nights at AWANA. But he learns just as much at “school.” 

Jesus wasn’t much of one for “following the crowd.”  And I suppose if that was good for Him, it’s certainly good enough for me.