Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Good friends and bad interpretations

My hubby and I had the best time last night. Since my recent trach surgery, I have been breathing so much better. We went to see friends of ours...they have twins 6 weeks older than Jacob, and a 4 year old son. We always just pick up pizza on the way so no one has to cook, an dit's fantastic. They are true friends. If they say they'll pray, they will. We have so much fun with them, yet they are the most amazing Christian couple. They are terrific parents...terrific friends. We are so blessed to have them in our lives. We met them at a previous church, and we will be friends for life.

While we were there we werew talking about my illness, and my original hospital stay back in 2000. That got me thinking about the first church that abondoned us. Depressing.

This is actually now much later in the day, and I received an e-mail from an elder from the church we just left. I had written them a letter telling them we were leaving and why. I was upset that we had been going there since January, and yet when I had surgery to revise and enlarge my trach, no one called when I got home, no one brought a meal, sent a card, nothing.

Anywho. So this elder wrote a scathing letter back to me about how I can't possibly expect entire congregation to meet every need. (Which is, of course, ridiculous, and I didn't say anything about that.) Because then, "everyone would have to quit their jobs and wait around for a need to meet." Can you say, over-reaching?? She also was kind enough to point out that any time she's heard me talk (which is probably once?) she notices that the first thing I talk about is my diability. Um, yah. Someone stares at the hole in my neck and asks what's up, so I answer. Next time I guess I should quote her and just say I'm not identified by my disability.

There were some other lovely, uplifting (uh, not so much) things she said, but the best was this:

"I sincerely hope you do ponder your expectations as in my humble opinion they are selfish and inappropriately placed."

SELFISH and INAPPROPRIATELY placed. Hmmm....if Christians can't depend on other Christians to help them in a time of need, where do they go???

So, forgive me for thinking only of myself as I was struggling with a neuromuscular disease with no cure (which I am NOT defined by), recovering from surgery and raising a 2 year old without being able to speak because of the ginormous trach in my neck.

I'm upset, I'm angry, but behind all this folks, I'm just sad. I feel so rejected. By the church no less.

OH, and just as an added bonus, my best friend in the world has terminal cancer.
No one ever said life was fair. But they never said it would be so cruel.


Joanna said...

Yeah, I'm still a bit stunned by that email. I'm at a loss for words.

Kerri said...

Yah. Everyone I've showed it to can't BELIEVE it came from an ELDER. Me either!