Ug. Yesterday was one of "those" days. I felt okay physically, but along with a chronic illness comes emotional and mental stress. One of the WORST things about chronic illness is that it is so isolating by nature. It's not really anyone's FAULT...it just is.
Doug and Jacob were outside all day in the sunshine (which is too warm for me and makes me itch), and I was once again stuck in the house. Doug says, "Well, what do you want to do today? Why don't you come out by us?" Which would mean going out and sitting in the shade somewhere, being swarmed by bugs (I must emit a pheromone that attracts every insect within a country mile...they LOVE me), watching Doug and Jacob do things I can't. Hmm...no thanks. I don't need salt in the wound.
So yes, I had a big ol' pity party. I bawled most of the day, wondering why I have 2 wonderful ladies in my life that come once a week, and that's about it. I don't see anyone else really regularly. Weekends really stink because everyone is doing stuff with their families, and mine is outside. Yesterday I just needed someone with skin on. Someone to come to my house just to visit me. I'm not contagious. I don't have cooties. I needed a hug and someone to tell me that they love me just the way I am. Bug-hating, sunshine-itching, allergic-to-the-world, chronically-sick ME. Even thinking about it again gives me a big ol lump in my throat.
I am an extrovert. I love people. But it appears that people don't love me....or as my ever-so-positive- hubby says, "they love me....from a distance." Nice. It just seems that I used to have a lot of friends. I could call a handful of people and say, "Hey wanna go out for lunch?" Now, it's just me. And Jacob. And for a few hours on Tuesday, Karen and Kerry.
I'm thankful for a dear MG friend who gave me an "I hear you" letter, and a gentle but swift kick in the pants. My kinda gal. Thanks CindyLou.
Anywho. I'll stop whining now. I just want people to understand that sometimes the PHYSICAL part of chronic illness is the LEAST painful.