Trach Trauma

ARGH. I love the new, bigger trach, but oh my STARS is it horrible to take out and clean every other day. I can pop it out no problem, which amazes me, because before I couldn't even THINK about it...or look at it when it was out...just freaked me out having this hole in my neck! Now with the surgery it looks kind of like an inny belly button. WAY inny. : )

Anywho. Coming out is no big deal. Putting it back in however, OW. Holy Pain in the Neck Batman! Ar ar. It's like giving birth backwards. Or trying to shove a large lemon up one nostril. Or...well, you get the idea. I clean the outside twice a day, but have to take it out to get the inside really clean. Yikes. I just can't put it back in. I tried the first couple of times, but I literally can't push hard enough to get it in. Plus, it's really hard to force yourself to cause bodily harm to yourself...it's like your brain fights against your hand trying to shove it in. My hand and arm were just shaking with the force I was exerting to get it in, yet it wasn't going. So thank God Doug isn't squeamish, cuz he's the one to put it back in.

I have felt like crap the last couple of days...double vision, really tired, a bit weak. Jacob has a little cold, so I wonder if I'm fighting it off. Germs make my antibodies get stronger (like anyone else) but then I get MG symptoms. Grrr.... Stress makes all my symptoms worse, and dealing with a best friend with terminal cancer doesn't help much. We were going to see her tomorrow, but with Jacob having a cold, I don't want to bring ANYTHING to her to get her sick. We'll just have to wait til he's healhty again.

Anywho...that's all for now.