Wednesday, June 23, 2010

From My Hubby's Point of View

I am actually at my hubby's work right now, because we had terrible storms this morning and I didn't want to be home by myself. So I'm sitting here and thinking...AHA! Great opportunity for HIM to tell you (through me or you'd only get 2 or 3 words!) what's it's like being a caregiver to someone with chronic illness. So I asked him what affects him the most, or what stands out greatest in his mind as to dealing with my disease.

His first response was : mood swings. For example, some of the medications I'm on, particularly prednisone, makes my moods swing very dramatically at times. This past year I've not not-so-great a year. I've been on higher doses of prednisone, and there were lots of anger issues and lots of crying. Also, I do not handle disappointment well. I'm getting better. But he hates seeing me get my hopes up and then not be able to do what I had planned.

He also doesn't like how it effects me when people judge me one way or the other. Many look at me and just see a mostly normal looking person, with a trach, maybe thinking I had throat cancer. (Oh, poor thing, kind of thing). Or, they look at me like I'm normal, and I'm just taking up the handicapped spot because I am lazy. That one BURNS my butt. He also notices when people treat me like a sick person...acting like I can't do a THING for myself...and they talk really loud too, which cracks me up.

I asked my husband what the worst thing was. He said not knowing what's going to happen five minutes from now. "One minute she's sitting here typing, and the next she could have severe double vision, sudden neck weakness and arm weakness, and not be able to drive home."

I think he really worries when I go out, especially by myself (without Jacob) not that that really happens TOO often...because he says my pride won't let me call him if I needed help. He's probably mostly right. : )

I asked him what his primary emotion was regarding me, my health, and our lives with my health. The overwhelming response was worry. Worry that I will be okay, that I will be able to do what I need to do with Jacob, worry that we don't be able to complete plans we've made...

So there's a tiny bit of the point of view from a caregiver of a chronically ill person. My husband does NOT talk about emotions, and I had to ask 1 question 10 different ways before he answers. It's like pulling teeth! But I think he did a pretty good job.

Thanks honey!



Heidi Walker said...

You have a great husband. Give him a squeeze for me.

Hope you end up having a great day and that it eases his worry to enjoy who you truly are inside.

Jessica @ One Shiny Star said...

My sister has been on prednisone her whole life. She's pretty good when she is on top of taking it every day at the right time, but if she misses a dose or doesn't take it at the same time she turns into a hurricane!

I also feel ya for the handicap parking. I have serious hip problems - so even though I'm 22, I still park up front. Any one who looks at me funny can just umm... have my hip problems, because apparently they want it! lol.

It's definitely good to have some one like your husband, I'm glad he takes care of you.

Karen Mortensen said...

I am so glad you have such a wonderful husband. Bless him for all he does.

Pam said...

Kerri thank you for asking him and for writing from his point of view. It is hard to understand each others point of view when both partners in a marriage are healthy then add a chronic illness on top and WOW that is when the real commitment comes!
I am thankful for your Doug for you and for my Doug too. I know we are going through a valley right now however God is bringing us up the mountain step by step, moment by moment. Like my hubby emailed me this morning at the end of a prayer he wrote out that he prayed for us ..."with God all things are possible!"
Blessings, hugs, love and prayers

Paige said...

Thanks for visiting me on my SITS day! Hope you have a great weekend.

Margaret said...

I hope that you are having a good day!