Ya Learn Something New Every Day

So Friday I go to get some lab work done, and to get my bone density scan. Just went to Allegan General because it's so close. I've gotten stuff done there before (bloodwork, mammogram, that kind of thing,) and lived to tell, so I didn't think this would be any different.

I had an appointment for the bone density scan at 3:00PM. I got there a little early to get the bloodwork done. Got called back, little girlie does the blood draw, does a fantastic job. Don't feel a thing. Of course, I'm used to needles the size of fork tines when it comes to pheresis, so the little bitty things they use usually don't hurt. She puts the little cotton thingy on there, tapes it, and I'm off to the waiting room for radiology.

I start my crossword puzzle, and hear my name.

Me: I'm here...coming...

Radiologist: KERRI?!?!?!?!

Me: peeking around the corner "I'm coming...." (had to gather my coat (for it was 97 degrees in there), my purse, my suction machine, etc.)

Radiologist: tap, tap, tapping of the foot

Me: following radiologist, glancing down at arm halfway down the hall: "Oh sh!#." (Which I immediately felt bad for...it just slipped right out!)

Blood had soaked my shirtsleeve and was running down my arm. Now before I continue, let me tell you that normally the sight of my own blood makes me either faint or throw up.

Little Miss Radiologist (who was about 95 pounds soaking wet and about 4'10") practically throws me into a strategically placed wheelchair in the hallway and thrusts my arm up, fist to my shoulder.

Radiologist: Don't move!

Me: Wow, this has never happened before (stangely calm)

Radioloist lady flies around, finds a towel. "Okay," she barked. "You move your arm for ONE SECOND, I'll put the towel in, and you IMMEDIATELY put your fist back up." For a minute there I thought we were disarming a bomb or something. I move my arm, she shoves a rolled up towel in there and jams my fist back up into my shoulder. (Whew, that was close, I wanted to say).

I just kind of looked at her and thought of offering her an Ativan, but reconsidered, thinking it may affect her future work that day.

She continues to fly around looking for gloves, a cotton ball and tape. The way she was acting I thought she might call surgery, or at least the guy who does stitches. It IS kind of amazing how much blood can come out of such a teeny, tiny hole! She just kept asking me if I was okay, if I felt okay. I'm like, I'M fine...you??

Me: "I really can't believe this. This has never happened before." Okay, so maybe I wasn't quite as calm as I thought, because I kept repeating myself. Although I was much calmer than she was...I knew one of us had to keep it together!

Radiologist lady, as if she had just saved the world: Good thing I knew what to do!

So then she says: Just pour peroxide on that blood when you get home and wash it and it will come right out. Well, I thought, she knows what to do!! : ) Seriously it did work!! I thought my shirt would be ruined; you can't even tell I almost bled out on it.

So then I go with her to get the bone density scan. My mom had one done, and they just moved this box thingy over her body while she sat in a dentist-like chair. No problem.

I get to this tiny room, with a tiny flat gurney looking thing, and a big STATIONARY machine. I'm like, oh THIS will be fun. I cannot lay flat and breathe well because of the MG. I have permanent weakness to my diaphragm and supporting chest wall muscles. So I tell the lady I can't breathe when I lay flat.

Radio. lady: It will only ten 10 minutes.

Me: Can YOU hold your breath for 10 minutes?

Radio. lady: blank stare.

Me: I'll do my best.

So I lay down, start gasping for air, and THEN I have to put my feet up on this huge block which is shoved up against (under) my knees. This makes me feel like not only am I lying flat, I'm lying upside down. The wheezing increases.

Radio. lady: This will just take a minute.

Pause. Wheez.

Radio. lady: The machine doesn't like that you're not perfectly straight on the bed. Move this way.

Pause. Wheez. Gasp. Wheez. Gasp.

The machine starts moving down. After about 5 minutes:

Radio lady: Oh dear.

Me: Oh crap.

Radio. lady (I really should have gotten her name): The machine didn't like that pass, we'll have to do it again.

I'm like, you need a machine with a better attitude!!

Finally, with much ado, we get done...after about 15 minutes of lying flat. My oxygen level is probably at about 50 right now. I sit up and the room is spinning and I suck in deep lungfuls of air. Everything starts coming back into focus.

Me: That it?

Radio. lady: Yup. Don't forget about the peroxide on those blood stains. Never thought you'd learn something new today did you??

I thought, Oh, lady. If you only knew.