Top Ten Reason You Know You Have IBS/Spastic Colon/Colon Issues/Nerve Problems/"Tummy Trouble"/Gut Rot:
10. You now KNOW that Angel Soft was NOT made by angels. In fact, it was likely made by hideous elves that never have to poo.
9. You know exactly how many tiles are on your bathroom floor, including the partial spaces, which you add in to make the total. (47)
8. You know exactly how many tiles are on your bathroom ceiling, including the partial spaces. (76)
7. You're in the kitchen and your son looks at you and says, "Where's my real mom?" And you say, "I AM your real mom!" And he says, "You can't be. My REAL mom is always in the bathroom!"
6. You kept an old cellphone instead of trading it in because it has a Scrabble game on it that you love to play, and that you are very, very good at.
5. Your hands go numb from playing said Scrabble game.
4. You buy baby wipes. And you don't have a baby. (But you DO have "Angel Soft" toilet paper!)
3. You've written an entire movie in your head in a singular day on the "throne."
2. You thank God every day for indoor plumbing.
And the number one reason you know you have... (see headline) IS:
1. You wonder what kind of day it is when your highest scoring word on Scrabble (see #'s 5 & 6), worth 140 points, is "jackass." (sorry mom)