Saturday, June 13, 2009


Last night we went to my mom and dad's to visit one last time with my brother Mike, who is here from California. My sister Deb and my Aunt Dee {my favorite aunt} were also there. We had the best time! We all had dinner together, and after dinner went into the living room and just talked. We got onto the topic of when I was in the hospital in 2000 when I was very, very ill. We kind of went back to the first symptom 14 years ago, and remembered the long journey to this point. Some of it was really painful, some thought-provoking...I got all verklempt to say the least! We laughed, {you would have too if you heard some of the things I said under the influence of very powerful amnesiacs! I might not believe it myself if I didn't have some of it in my very sad, very weak handwriting!} I cried...I'm not sure if my brother had ever heard the whole story...and as I was recalling it, I remembered how many miracles God did in my life during that time.

In September of 2000 I was so ill. I could not walk more than 10 feet without resting. My skin was yellow. My face was void of any emotion. I couldn't breathe, I could sleep, I had panic attacks all the time. I had a sleep study, and an ABG done (arterial blood gas). The carbon dioxide level in my blood was higher than Jacob's had been when he was on the ventilator in the neonatal ICU! And I had just quit working 2 weeks prior to this.

The doctor put me on oxygen, and I literally got stoned. I got high on OXYGEN! My brain was so deprived of oxygen, and the carbon dioxide levels in myblood were so high, I shouldn't have survived. My aunt is a nurse, and she came right out and said last night, there is "no way, other than a miracle, that you were ALIVE at that point, let alone functional."

And that was the first of many. While I do have SOME memory issues and I don't feel quite as sharp as I used to be, I don't have any brain damage from all that lack of oxygen. Then in the hospital I got staph pneumonia...the list goes on and on.

While it was difficult to relive some of this, I've been thinking all day about the following Scripture passage:

"Now the Jordan is at flood stage all...during harvest. Yet as soon as the priests who carried the ark reached the Jordan and their feet touched the water's edge,the water from upstream stopped flowing....while the water flowing down...was completely cut off.

So the people crossed over opposite Jericho. The priests who carried the ark of the covenant of the Lord stood firm on dry ground in the middle of the Jordan, while all Israel passed by until the whole nation had completed the crossing on dry ground. When the whole nation had finished crossing the Jordan, the Lord said to Joshua, "Choose twelve men from among the people, one from each tribe, and tell them to take up twelve stones from the middle of the Jordan from right where the priests stood and to carry them over with you and put them down at the place where you stay tonight"....

Joshua...said to them...'each of you is to take up a stone on his shoulder, according to the number of the tribes of the Israelites, to serve as a sign among you. In the future, when your children ask you, 'What do these stones mean?' tell them that the flow of the Jordan was cut off before the ark of the covenant of the Lord. When it crossed over the Jordan, the waters of the Jordan were cut off. These stones are to be a memorial to the people of Israel forever.'"
Joshua 3:15-4:7

I NEED to remember those times. That is a HUGE part of my testimony! God didn't tell Joshua to have them take stones from one side of the Jordan or the other, He told them to take the stones from the middle of the Jordan. From the exact place where God had perfonrmed the miracle that saved their lives, again (they had already crossed the Red Sea on dry ground). In a way, my trach is my pile of rocks. People see me today and don't really understand how I ever cold have been that sick. Other than my husband, family, and a few friends (and my old friends on facebook!) very few people in my life NOW know what I have been through. We have to talk about the things God has done in our lives, or how will anyone know what He has done? I mean, people can read the Bible and learn about God, all the things He's done and the miracles Jesus performed, but NOTHING speaks to the power of God more than a personal story. Some folks don't think that God still does miracles today...some think the Bible is a nice story, even a good history book, but don't REALLY understand that God is alive TODAY!

We MUST remember. And this is ONE time we need to OPEN our mouths, and talk.


Ashley said...

Wow. That's awesome. You're right. It is painful to relieve those memories, but God can demonstrate his glory and power through us. Great post!

Joanna said...

You go girl! Another great post.

Pam said...

You are so right, when we look back and see how the Lord has taken care of us and brought us to where we are today it is amazing! We can choose to be thankful and tell others, so they can see how God is working in our lives, and be encouraged or we can choose to be bitter and crabby then they will miss seeing God as Lord of All!
Kerri, keep sharing your story. I am reminded of Psalm 78:4 & 6.
We will not hide them from their children;
we will tell the next generation
the praiseworthy deeds of the LORD,
his power, and the wonders he has done…
so the next generation would know them,
even the children yet to be born,
and they in turn would tell their children.
Lots of hugs and prayers,