Saturday, February 21, 2009

As the World Churns

Seriously. I think I need to write a soap opera. I cannot make UP the things that happen to me. At least not all at once, or all right in a row. It's almost funny. Almost.

So I've had a sore back for a week or so, nothing major. I've been careful, lifting Jacob as little as possible. Icing it, taking Motrin, etc. One thing I cannot control is my ridiculous, chronic cough. So I'm doing suction (cleaning out my trach) and I have a MAJOR coughing fit. I feel my back pop. Instant 10 on a 1-10 pain scale. Whoa. I start bawling (my answer for everything... ; ) and first call my hubby. Then I call his chiropractor...and the lady says I can't get in as a new patient until Tuesday. She said she would check with him, but couldn't guarantee anything. I'm bawling again at this point from the pain, and she sounded sympathetic. She called back and said 5:30 tonight. I was like GOD BLESS YOU!!!

If you EVER need a chiropractor, go to Dr. Lou. (Riverfront Chiropractic). His real name is like Luciano Giovannucci....something extremely Italian. But he is the kindest, most compassionate man. He came in on weekends when Doug really messed his back up. Can you imagine a doctor coming in on a Sunday to open his clinic for one patient?? That's this guy. He is amazing. SO... really, go to him. He's in Allegan.

Anywho. So I call Joanna and see if she can watch Jacob, because I know we will be there for a while. She of course agrees, because she's that kind of friend. (Love ga girl!) Shout out to Fred and the boys, too, for giving up an evening for us! So I get to the chiro. and he starts by poking here and there, and then takes x-rays. I have a twisted pelvis, a curved spine for the first 5 vertebrae (however you spell that) from the pelvis, and arthritic hips. I'm like, a twisted pelvis. OF COURSE! Apparently the back muscles were pretty messed up, to the point of moving the bones out and twisting the pelvis. It was hysterical to look at because nunmber one, how many of us see our own pelvis on x-ray, and number two, one side was totally lower than the other.

So on with the torture. I mean treatment! (Not Dr. Lou's fault...I have fibromyalgia, so when you push on certain pressure points it feels like someone's driving a railroad spike through your body with a sledge hammer.) So he says my muscles are in spasm (I knew I could be a spaz) and if he tried to move the bones manually it would just get worse. So he gets out the "massager." I didn't look, but Doug said it looked exactly like a sander. Doc says, yah, you could probably do this at home, but take the sandpaper off first. Chuckle chuckle. So while I'm being buffed and sanded under about 1300 psi, I'm wondering what could be next. So then he gets out his "adjustor." He says, "It sounds kinda of like a staple gun." He DID NOT say it would FEEL like staple gun. Whoa. Talk about agony. Like a hammer going into you with an ice pick on the end instead of the flat part. Again, the fibro made it that much worse.

The BEST part was the table. It stands up, and then you lean on it and it brings you down flat.... like a mini roller coaster. Pretty cool.

So I had to go back yesterday morning for the same procedures. I must say, the actual muscle that was spasming has calmed down some, I think, but now the area of pain has spread from about the middle of my back down through my left cheek. NICE. BUT....(no pun intended) it's more like a 5 now on a scale from 1-10, just a bigger area of 5.

But as Doug and I were talking last night, I didn't know whether to laugh or cry...If I listed everything that has gone wrong with me, even just since October...the flu shot gone wrong, the spots, the arm biopsies, the arthritis, the huge doses of prednisone, the mood swings, weight gain, the blown left wrist, the twisted pelvis and spine... And that doesn't even include the MG, the trach, the diabetes or the fibro! It seriously seems like a soap opera...hey, maybe there's profit to be made here!

The only thing is I don't have a sister who's having an affair with my husband who really turns out to be my brother by another mother, or a father who really is my cousin, and I'm not pregnant with an alien baby, or even with twins from two fathers! So I guess maybe the soap script will have to wait.....


Leigh@intentslife said...

Wow, I wouldn't write off the whole soap idea quite yet!

I think Julia Roberts is a perfect pick to play you - she has beautiful skin and teeth too. :)

Kerri said...

Oh my GOSH! Julia ROberts...Now THAT'S a compliment!!

Joanna said...

And you should see Kerri's hair. Girl made Babs jealous.

Hugs, Sweetie. Think chocolately thoughts.