Thursday, March 26, 2009

A Challenge

For anyone who doesn't believe in God, come to my house and let's talk for a few days.

I feel awful. Like I can either muddle through or give in, curl up and wait to go to the hospital. I WANT to give in and curl up. My flesh is screaming, imploring me to just give up. Yesterday I was on oxygen all day because I couldn't breathe. Add to that the MG is kicking my butt because of the cold. Barely made it up the stairs last night.

Add to THAT, Jacob is sick. And crabby. And demanding. And 2 1/2. And heavy. (Praise God his fever is gone). Doug's got a lot going on at work, and though I beg him to come home as early as possible, he has things that come up that he has to deal with.

So how, you're thinking, how does this have anything to do with whether or not there is a God?

Because I am telling you from the depths of my soul that if there were NOT, I would not be sitting here typing this note, about ready to bawl. I could NOT do this on my own. No human could. Yet I keep putting one foot in front of the other. I beg Him to take it away, yet He chooses not to. I beg Him to not get colds and flu, but He allows it. I beg for Jacob to stay healthy, to understand, to not demand so much from me. God says, he's 2 1/2. Some days, like today, it is as if God Himself is picking up one leg and placing it forward. Then the other. Then back to the first one. He will make a way. He has to.

There IS a GOD and His name is FAITHFUL. His name is STRENGTH. His name is GRACE.

True, the human spirit can endure more than one may think. But I'm telling you, I could not. So many days I want to give up, but I hear, "My grace is sufficient." I want to yell and scream at the heavens and plead for God to just come and take it all away. But I hear, "I will never leave you or forsake you." I say "But I feel forsaken!!" And I hear, "Because you're looking at the wind and waves, not the Water-Walker."

There IS a GOD and His name is SAVIOR. His name is POWERFUL. His name is HOPE.

And if you think you could possibly deny Him, come and talk to me. If there has ever been proof, it is living in my flesh and blood.

5 comments:

Crista said...

My Dearest Kerri,
May the Love of God flow over you like warm honey. May His peace flood your mind and soul. May His grace undergird you more than you ever thought possible...beyond what you could hope for or imagine.
~Dear and Precious Sister, I want you to know that from the crucible through which you are passing, there is pure gold rising to the top...It is Jesus pouring Himself through you.
~I don't understand the whys...but we do KNOW the Who...and His Name is Jesus.
~One time through a very difficult passage, He said, "Crista, do not look to your mountains, but to Your Mountain Mover."...His words have sustained me through more than one time around this block called "life".
~Kerri, His Glory shines off the pages on which you write.
God bless you, my precious Sister, and may you know the Lord's blessings in greater abundance as He reveals more of Himself to you...Face to face.
Continuing to hold you in prayer.
Love always,
Crista

Joanna said...

Awesome stuff Kerri! I give you a lot of kudos - you find the treasure in any pile of dirt.

Hugs!

Kerri said...

Joanna, that's what my mom used to say about my old boyfriends! : )

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