More From My Hospital Journal

If you missed the first part, you can check it out here. My mom kept a journal for me while I was in the hospital. Here are a few more entries.

October 20, 2000 (Friday)

Thursday I was pretty frustrated and upset. I'm trying to write and they can't read my letters. Patty was my nurse today. She's nice and very helpful to mom and dad.

Dr. Selwa said she would increase sedation today so I wouldn't be so anxious today. I did a lot of sleeping today. Mom and Dad felt better because I was more at ease and peaceful.

I had my second treatment at noon today [plasmapheresis]. These will help me feel stronger. Mom told me Gordy and Dee were coming to see me tomorrow. I wrote, "In all my glory." The humor is still there. Another time I wrote, "I have no underwear on, humiliated." Also wrote, "I have no modesty."

[I totally remember this feeling. I was always a very modest person. VERY modest. To be there, knowing I was "exposed" to say the least, added to my anxiety and sadness.]


Saturday October 21, 2000

Mom came in about 7:45 AM and I was already upset. This tube is gagging me, then I need to be suctioned. "Yuk." I try communicating with mom by writing but it isn't very legible [In the notebooks I kept that I wrote in throughout this whole time, I saw how I had been trying to communicate. I was making little mountains....Like a capital A without the cross-stroke over and over and over. I remember being SO frustrated that no one understood. I was like, I'M the sick one here, people!!] and no one could figure out what it is.

Gordy and Dee came today. It was good to see them. Dee and I exchanged a few words...mine were mostly looks. As Dee says, "one look says it all!" One time I wrote "smart-ass" to Dee. We kid with each other, we love each other a lot. I also wrote, "When I'm better, Dee and me are going shopping." Mom added, "And out for the best lunch you ever had." Somehow, liquid food down the nose directly into the stomach doesn't do much for me.

In the afternoon, the tube in my nose came out, "I may have accidentally pulled it in my sleep." I told my mom I had a bad dream and all pink and blue stuff came out of my nose. My nurse that day was Jay. He was nice but I'm not too comfortable with a male nurse.

Jay had to put the food tube back down and that was TERRIBLE. When Dr. Smith came in about 5PM mom told him I had a terrible day. After explaining everything that happened he said they would "put me to sleep." How I loved hearing that phrase. Mom and Dad checked on me about 8PM and I was sleeping like a baby.