Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Stop The Pendulum

"No man is an island entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main;.... any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind." John Donne

Ever wonder what it would be like to NOT be involved in mankind? Anyone ever felt like they WANTED to be an island? I honestly never have in my life, until now. To just be by myself, no one to make me cry or hurt me or confuse me or break my heart. Just me and God.

My life is a pendulum. I am the pendulum....or more technically I should say I'm the "bob" at the end of the pendulum. (That's what the thingy on the end of a pendulum is called. Learn something new every day). It seems like anyone or anything has the control of the motion, and I'm just along for the ride.

I've always wanted to be part of something...some group. Sisters. Friends. Mothers. Bloggers. Christian women. Wives. Like live and in person, not just behind a screen. But lately I feel as if it would just be better if I could just isolate myself totally. Then I could only disappoint myself. I would be the only one to blame.

I think me and the Lord would do just fine. He won't rip out my heart and crap in its cavity.


Joanna said...

Having been there, done that - the loneliness would get to you. You really just want a break from the pain and for the sun to shine and life not to suck.

Everything has a season. Sorry you are in a crappy one right now.

Rachel said...

It's only natural (I think so anyway) to feel like that every now and then. Sometimes we feel like no one else understands what you have to deal with everyday. Just remember, you have impacted many peoples lives. Your family, friends, bloggers, and especially those of us who too live with MG & other chronic illnesses.

There are so many things we have to be thankful for. So thank you for sharing so much of yourself with us. WE WOULD MISS YOU!

Renee Ann said...

I guess we'll always go through the ups and downs. But those times when you feel like even the people closest to you just don't "get" you can be so difficult . . . I'm so glad I can stop in at your blog and see what's up with you--don't cut yourself off for too long!

Young Wife said...

I'm sorry! I wish people were nicer. Sometimes I feel like the bob, too. And sometimes I want to stay isolated, but I (almost) always feel better after fellowshipping with friends. Praying for you.