Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Chronic Illness Upon Chronic Illness Upon....

photo by disboomer.com

Okay.  I'm tired, and horribly, monstrously, hideously a little cranky.  It started when I had to take my morning pills.  All 16 of them.  Which got me to thinking about all the crap that comes along with having Myasthenia Gravis.  Like diabetes.  I have diabetes because of the HUGE amount of steroids I've been on to keep me alive.

Moving on to lunch-ish pills:  Another 8.  Dinner and bedtime:  11 more.  So, for those of you without calculators, that's a grand total of 35 pills a day, and that's not including my insulin.  So that's 245 pills a week to keep me going.  I fill my ginormous pill box once a week, and I dole out 245 pills.


Do you know how sickening that is? No pun intended.  At least once a month I contemplate just throwing the whole damn thing away and letting nature take it's course.  Seriously. I mean, without modern medicine I wouldn't be alive.  So how far do I push it?

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not like, all into Obama-care where you stop getting medication when you're 70 because you're old and useless by then, and have taxed the system enough with your sorry self (can ya tell I'm a fan???), but I'm just asking MYSELF the question:  How much do I do?

Right now, the answer has to be "As much as I can."  I have a child.  I don't want him growing up without a Mommy.  Sometimes, to be frank (and ernest!) it just plain SUCKS.  I take Calcium and large quantities of Vitamin D to prevent further bone loss.  I take anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds (well, I needed the anti-depressants before MG, that's just a chemical thing)...because I'm so stressed out all the time and have to subject myself to all these treatments and tests and appointments...

I take stomach medication so I don't get ulcers from all the other medication I have to take.  I take a medication that people that have organ transplants take (so they won't reject their new organ) to suppress my immune system.  It could kill me.  But if I didn't take it, along with the plasmapheresis, I would die.  NO I am not kidding, or being facetious or exaggerating.  I. Would. Die.

It all gets so exhausting sometimes.  Honestly.  Sometimes I just want to rest.

6 comments:

Joanna said...

But then how would the world be a little bit better if you weren't here reminding people that chronic ill people are people too? Not to mention your one of kind jewelry, your one of a kind smile, and your awesome sense of humor. Your days are in the Lord's hands. No one is promised tomorrow. You are a fighter - today just sorta hit back. Next week you'll feel better. Just remember to actually eat your lunch, ya goober.

Joanna said...
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Joanna said...
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Kerri said...

You made me cry! Love you. Thank you. MISS YOU!!

Joanna said...

I have no idea why my phone posted this 3 times. Delete the extra comments. I miss you a lot! I've told God more than once I think He made a mistake by this situation. He laughed at me. No respect!!

barefootmeds said...

Thinking of you. Wish I could send some strength your way. I struggle to remember to take my four pills a day... you are the picture of courage!