To Jacob on his Brithday

My Precious Big Boy Jacob,
I don’t even know where to begin. I love you so much, and am so thankful that God gave us you…precious, personable, perfect you. You are more than I ever could have hoped for in a child.
Exactly three years ago from this very moment the doctors were getting Mommy ready to have you. They opened my tummy like a present, and Daddy and I received the best gift of all….You.

Daddy and I waited for you for so many years. We didn't even think it was possible for Mommy to have you. In fact, that I DID have you was purely a miracle. It took every ounce of strength I had, every ounce of miraculous energy that God could give me, to grow you and keep you safe until you were born.

And what a moment. When I saw you for the first time, I had never known such love. I immediately had a better understanding of God’s love for His children…what a profoundly overwhelming feeling. When you had to stay in the NICU, Mommy was so sad. I cried every day when I had to leave you there, all alone. I prayed every day that God would make you strong. I covered your crib in Scripture verses. I counted the days and watched as you got stronger and stronger. Seeing you on the vent, all the tubes and wires...it was SO scary and sad. The only thing that kept me going was knowing that you WOULD get better. I called the NICU every night before we went to sleep to check on you and make sure your were still doing okay.

You were the only baby in there on a vent...which was ironic because you were so big you wouldn't even fit in the isolets. All these teeny tiny 2 pound babies were breathing on their own, and here's my big ol' 8 1/2 pound lug on a vent.

Mommy felt so guilty because it was my antibodies that were making you sick. You had transient neonatal myasthenia gravis. We knew that as soon as my antibodies were out of your system, you would be fine. But for the time being, you were weak and floppy...but you were so observant. Even when you were very first born you looked at everything. You observed everything. You loved lights, and when we put the mobile in your big boy crib in the NICU, you just came alive.

I held you every day, whether you were on the vent or not...I just had to. This tiny life, one that I had helped create, this huge shock of thick black hair, the bluest eyes I had ever seen...my gorgeous, precious, perfect child. We took you home after 36 days. It was the second happiest day of my life. Now I want to wrap you in bubble wrap and keep the whole world away so you don't get sick or hurt. But oh, what the world would miss out on!

As I watch you grow, I am so thankful every single day for you. You bring me so much joy. God blessed me with a such a smart, healthy, beautiful, funny, busy, perfect little boy. I would do anything for you. I would give my very life for you. I can't believe you are three years old. You are such a big boy. My heart is in my throat, and tears well in my eyes as I think of you. You are my priceless son, and I thank God for every minute I have you.

Love
Mommy