Friday, September 24, 2010

What About Obligation?

So I'm talking to my counselor yesterday about how overwhelmed I am, and how exhausted I am, and since Doug is sick there's more I have to do, etc.

He suggested making a list of what I do, what I love to do and what I'm good at. I'm like, well that's easy...but where does obligation fit in here?

He looked at me like I asked a question in Hungarian. What obligation do you have? he asked.
I was like, um, my dogs out...feeding them...taking care of my child...

Okay, so let's add a column for things I HAVE to do: like put the dogs out (technically I don't HAVE to, but I'm not cleaning up after them so...), feed and clothe Jacob, meet his needs (not all his wants, at least I've got that part down!)

Aren't there still obligations in life? Am I not obligated to TRY to take care of my house? I make all the phone calls and all the joy that goes with scheduling things for all of my doctors (who seem to keep growing instead of compacting!) I pay the bills, I do the budget...half the time I give Jacob his baths....the other day Doug had to go to the doctor (which NEVER happens) and Blackie jumped in the stupid duck pond (for which we have no longer have ducks.)

So after Jacob's bath, I knew I'd have to give Blackie one, because he stunk, and Doug wouldn't do it when he got home because a. he doesn't care if the dog stinks (he works at a poop plant, and says he can't smell it, so obviously I'M the better smeller of the two of us!) and b. he's really sick and doesn't have the energy.

FRUSTRATING. The only things that get sacrificed are the things I want to do, and according to my mental health expert, those are the things I SHOULD be doing to retain some semblance of sanity. (My words, not his...he hasn't checked me into the funny farm yet...although I think he's seriously considering making reservations. If he doesn't, maybe I will!!)

So what do YOU think? Do you have obligations? How do you handle them if you have chronic illness? Since we have a car payment now we really can't afford to bring anyone in to help, but because Doug has a great job we make too much to qualify for "help" of any kind.

Ug. Please let me know how you do this!!!


bluewhitelife said...

My best advice is not to beat yourself up if you slip up :) Yea, the dogs need to go out so they don't poop in the house. Yea, your son has to be fed. If the bed doesn't get made or the dishes don't get done THAT DAY, it's okay. As long as you do them tomorrow :)

I also try to have a little "me" time throughout the day (obviously this is easier without a kid...) - I usually read a chapter or two of a book before bed :)

CoconutPalmDesigns said...

I think you said it just right... you are obligated to TRY. When you've done your best no one can ask for any more. I'm sorry that's probably not a very helpful answer.

Cheers :-)
- Rainforest Mommy

Karin said...

Putting the dogs out & feeding your husband & child ya gotta do. Dogs & husbands don't mind if they stink (either of 'em), so if you don't feel like bathing 'em - don't! :) They will wait, I promise. Oh, and the laundry? It'll wait too. Trust me on that one. Good luck & God bless!!