Friday, June 17, 2011

More Random Letters

Dear Road Crew,

It's very kind of you to park every vehicle known to road construction RIGHT in front of my house so my dogs can go insane barking and frothing at the mouth while I am nursing a migraine. I can't tell you how lovely it is to smell burning tar through my open windows (which are now closed) and see you pouring those stupid little stones that just kick up and chip the paint on my car, all over my road. Would it KILL you to use ashphalt?

By the way, I love how you decided (right after you parked every vehicle known to road constuction known to man RIGHT in front of my house) to sit on your butts smoking cigarettes for 45 minutes in the shade of my catalpa trees 25 feet from my office window. Every time I looked out my window my blood pressure went higher.

And your buddies chose the shade of our maple trees on the other side of the house to sit on THEIR butts and smoke cigarettes for 45 minutes. There was no lunch being consumed. You just sat. And smoked. One of you laid on my lawn for a little snooze apparently. Takes big ones to do that, if you ask me.

I almost let my dogs out to scare the hell out of you greet you, but knowing my luck, I would get sued if they licked you or something.

Next time, PLEASE just go another 200 yards down the road to take your 45 smoke break.

Sincerely,
A Road-Crew-Stone-Chipping-Hater, Migraine-Nursing, Annoyed Tax Payer.



Dear Lord,

I appreciate your sense of humor. I really do. You know, transplanting this city girl to the country where the bugs are bigger than car tires and the strays more populous than the grains of sand on the seashore. And giving this germaphobe a child who will put anything is his mouth that shouldn't go in there, and nothing that should, who picks his nose til it bleeds and won't blow it to save his life. But the road crew this morning was a little over the top. Just sayin.

Sincerely,
Your Messed Up Kid That Is Thankful You Love Her Anyway



Dear University of Phoenix,

I swear if you call me one more time I'm going to call the harassment police. What part of "stop calling me" do you not understand? You are an institution of higher learning. I think you need to go back to remedial reading and have your hearing tested. Seriously, a minimum of FIVE calls a day, every day? I wouldn't go to your school now if YOU paid ME! I told you when I signed up to please communicate via e-mail because it's hard for me to talk on the phone sometimes, because of my trach. Oh, maybe you don't know what a trach is...Regardless, even though I asked to be contacted via e-mail, my phone started ringing TEN MINUTES after I hit "enter" on the computer. I told TWO of your people to stop calling me. I e-mailed you 5 days ago. I unsubscribed my e-mail today, and actually found a "live-chat" person that SAYS she fixed it and won't call anymore. I'm not holding my breath.

Sincerely,
Your Loss of Thousands of Dollars A Potential Student Because You Are Annoying And Can't Follow Directions



Dear Overall Medical/Insurance/Coding/Billing Personnel:

Pppphhhtttttttttttt.

Sincerely,
One Fed Up Sickie

3 comments:

Rachel said...

Glad to see business as usual at the Sweeris household!!!

Joanna said...

Crack open a tube of cookie dough! It's after 5. Sorry. But I still think you should have let the dogs out.

Patty Ann said...

Oh my gosh!! You are crazy today!! Of course, I feel the same way when I have a migrane. Those are so not fun!! I usually get at least one every week. Oh well, at least the road crew is not there at night. And I totally agree, I think the dogs would have added a touch of excitement to your day!!