Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Letter To God

Dear God,

I am not going to make it through this day without you. Yesterday was SUCH a long day with Doug home for a whole hour and a half. I'm just overwhelmed. There's too much to do. There's too much! I need encouragement today, Lord. I need help. You promise you'll never leave me or forsake me, that I'll never walk alone. I'm holding you to that, God.

Already this morning I had to deal with the possibility of not getting my vest. You know, the one that will shake my lungs and keep them clear. The lady called and everything seemed fine but then she called back and said I have to fill out these forms to file an appeal...and I haven't even gotten it yet!

I overslept. My bedroom is full of dog hair and dust. I have to go back upstairs to turn Jacob's music off, and vacuum....and the thought of climbing those stairs is overwhelming. Everything is overwhelming.

I was feeling so good, Lord, for which I am SO grateful. I know I'm on the right track...but then Doug works a 15 hour day and I have
bills to pay and
dogs to take care of and
appointments to make and
insurance to deal with and
medication to keep track of and
a house to maintain and
allergies to deal with and
a child that needs me and wants my attention and
meals to feed my child and
loved ones I'm concerned about and
other loved ones I'm so angry with and
Bible study and
homeschooling and
trying to take care of myself and
feeling so isolated and
exhausted and
worrying about tests coming up....

Oh Lord. Take my burdens today. There's just too much. Days like today overwhelm me. I need help, God. I need You, but I need someone with skin, too. Please give me the strength and peace of mind I need today and the rest of this week. It's going to be a long one.



Rachel said...

We both know he hears your prayers, remember sometimes we have to be very quiet to hear his answer!!!

I so wish we were closer, I want to reach across the miles and give you the strongest hug a friend could possible give.

STAY STRONG, Love Ya!!!!

jo said...

Maybe it would be encouraging what a friend said to me when I was going through a difficult time. Standing at the eve of a new trial, I was consumed with worry and doubt. Anxiety and fear. I know what it is like to stand at the bottom of the stairs and dread climbing, to use a walker not be able to lift or care for my children. I know it is not the same as your trial, but I hear your dread.

My friend elaborated on "His mercies are new every morning." At the dawn of a new trial, the mercy will come. He may not give us mercy or grace for the moment if we are not at the moment yet. So, at the bottom of those stairs, we see the stairs. We see the trial. His mercy will be renewed with every step. With every lifting of each leg to get to the next, pulling the weight of our aging flesh up to the next by pulling with an arm on the banister or crawling up, and His strength will come as we press through. Even when we do not see His strength, it is there, but we haven't gotten to it yet.

Think of how we will be rejoicing when the Lord gives us new bodies and we are risen with Jesus. The worse we are now, the more glorious the transformation. God may have a word for you to give to those insurance agents too. Sorry you're going though such a rough time. Praying for peace to you.

Patty Ann said...

You are always in my prayers. I wish we were closer. I can see that you need someone there too!! I hope you totally know you are hugged. Remember that He has engravened you in the palms of His hands. He truly knows what you are going through and how you feel.

Pam said...

crying tears for you, sending hugs and prayers,...
is there any possible way that you can get home health care thru medicare or medicade or social security...there should be some way that you would be able to get some help...it would seem. although I know when I was at my weakest I did not quailify. I agree with what each one of the precious ladies said above...so thankful that we serve a God who loves us and cares for us...and sends us people at just the right time it seems...(except for when we need/desire to get something done) Keri I feel your pain and frustration, I can say I have been just with different issues...I too wish I was closer and had the energy to help...that is the hard part for me, I fianlly and feeling somewhat better and now I am working to help out with the bills and needed to let go...of expectations that I had of what I would do if....and here I am working almost 30 hours a week. i thank God for providing for each thing each hour that I am able to work...then I go home nad crash. last night we had a girls night and put the invitations and a few other things to prepare for our sons wedding in August...too be honest I fell totally apart in a store I was so over tired and overwhelmed...God sent me an angle to let me share with, she prayed for me and I went home feeling ready to get done what needed to be done....its ok to cry..to get upset...as long as you remember the fact that God loves you and cares for you and your family. I know it is so hard for you, Keri you touch so many lives, you encourage so many of us, your testimony is powerful...God is using you, you are a blessing. I love you Keri!! thank you so much for sharing and teaching us, Blessings and prayers Stay Stong in His Strengh!