Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Venting

Yah, so don't read this if you want some uplifting, feel good message today.

I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. Last night I had to take the trach out and clean it. The coming out part is no big thing, the going in part SUCKS. The doc says it will "toughen up." I'm like, when, in the next millenium??? It still bleeds every time, and hurts. The last two times I changed it I coughed so much I threw up. Nice.

Last night I'm getting in bed, and I put my wrist guards on for the carpal tunnel. I have my eye patch on because the double vision is making me lose my mind. I had to do an overnight pulse ox study again, so I have this thing on my finger, and a little machine in bed with me. I have my oxygen on through the trach mask. Doug is like, I love you honey...and I just started bawling. I felt like Frankstein. I would so love to just flop in bed. Sleep on my stomach (but right now I would suffocate with the trach).

This sick and dying earth has personally rubbed off on me, and I'm so sick of it. It's just too much for one person to handle. Not to mention trying to take care of a 2 year old and raise him without living in front of the television...keeping up with housework, yeah, like that happens.

I'm just OVER it all.

And I don't want sympathy, that's not why I wrote this. I needed to vent, and if anyone has a problem with it (calling it sin) TOO BAD. Walk a mile in my mocassins before you judge me. I just want to be fixed.

4 comments:

Joanna said...

You go girl! Matter of fact, take a pillow and beat the snot out of the couch. Just knock the stuffing right out of it. The couch will never see it coming. :)

Frustrated for you. Nothing I can say or do can make it better. It just all sucks dirt.

The only thing I can think of is you must be one big wig up in Heaven. You've had a HARD road to travel. People say life on earth is just a test. You are having a killer exam! This must mean you are a specialist up in Heaven.

Yeah for Doug! He's a hard worker and I'm starting to think there isn't anything he can't do.

Praying for you, Sweetie. Hugs!

Laura said...

I love you Kerri. Sometimes it's hard to understand why God gives some of us so much to deal with. I can only believe His plans for you are so going to exceed every expectation you could possibly dream of.

Let's pray without ceasing for healing for you. And continue being thankful that sweet little Jacob is healthy.

Kerri said...

Thanks for the encouragment girls. I just keep thinking that God thinks I'm waaaay stronger than I really am...It's so frustrating. I KNOW HE knows BEST. I don't see the big picture. So if somehow what I go through helps someone else, I guess it's worth it. Some days it's just MUCH harder to deal with than others...I know you can both relate, as you have your own challenges. Love you both!

Leigh said...

Awww, I wish I could make it all go away! You are so precious to the Lord and I'm praying He will meet you right where you are at today and fill you afresh with His Holy Spirit, love, and strength.

Joanna is right - you've got some good stuff coming on the other side, girlfriend. You need to order Randy Alcorn's book Heaven from Christianbook.com. It is the most incredible book on Heaven and would be a great encouragement to you.

Love you bunches!