Yah, so don't read this if you want some uplifting, feel good message today.
I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. Last night I had to take the trach out and clean it. The coming out part is no big thing, the going in part SUCKS. The doc says it will "toughen up." I'm like, when, in the next millenium??? It still bleeds every time, and hurts. The last two times I changed it I coughed so much I threw up. Nice.
Last night I'm getting in bed, and I put my wrist guards on for the carpal tunnel. I have my eye patch on because the double vision is making me lose my mind. I had to do an overnight pulse ox study again, so I have this thing on my finger, and a little machine in bed with me. I have my oxygen on through the trach mask. Doug is like, I love you honey...and I just started bawling. I felt like Frankstein. I would so love to just flop in bed. Sleep on my stomach (but right now I would suffocate with the trach).
This sick and dying earth has personally rubbed off on me, and I'm so sick of it. It's just too much for one person to handle. Not to mention trying to take care of a 2 year old and raise him without living in front of the television...keeping up with housework, yeah, like that happens.
I'm just OVER it all.
And I don't want sympathy, that's not why I wrote this. I needed to vent, and if anyone has a problem with it (calling it sin) TOO BAD. Walk a mile in my mocassins before you judge me. I just want to be fixed.