Random Letters

Dear Mr. Sandman,

MUST we have this discussion YET again? You obviously know where I live because my husband sleeps like a baby. Speaking of baby...my son has a new room. Is that throwing you off? Am I always in the bathroom or something when you come around? Because this is gettig ridiculous. Must. Have. Sleep.

Sincerely,

Half Crazed From Insomnia

Dear Dogs,

You are on a short leash, no pun intended. I love you, but I hate the hair, the mess, the stink and all the "gifts" you bring me. I wish you no ill will, but know you will NOT be replaced. Just so ya know...I HATE it when you're on our bed. Daddy lets you, but Mommy is not a fan. Remember that when it's treat time.

Sincerely,

Your Dubious Owner

Dear Hips,

You can stop causing me ridiculous, annoying pain any time now. Really. I got the point. You have arthritis. I, however, have several OTHER issues vying for my attention. I recognize your need for attention, so I am acknowledging you. Now STOP!

Sincerely,

I Got The Point

Dear Espresso Machine,

I love you. You have helped me get through the bleakest of days. Whatever would I do without you? I cannot bear the thought.

Sincerely,

Your Biggest Fan

Dear You-Know-Who,

Thanks for pulling your head out of your butt in time to salvage my sanity.

Much Love,

Me

Dear Jacob,

I know you love your Mommy. You don't have to get out of bed, come into my room and put your tiny little nose in my face 16 times during the night to tell me. While it IS the most precious little nose I have ever seen, at 2 AM, when I've JUST fallen asleep, it's not so precious. Next time, why don't you tell Daddy how much you love him? I'm sure he would love that. And while I love to snuggle, 5 AM isn't exactly the right time. We seriously have to work on that.

Sincerely,
Mommy Who Loves You Forever and Ever and Always