Yesterday was not a great day. I was so frustrated. I was angry. Disappointed. Scared. Doubtful. I'm homeschooling my 4 year old son, Jacob. He JUST turned 4, and we just started "offcial" school this past Monday. The first 2 days were awesome...yesterday was a debacle. Mess. NightMare.
I started thinking, what the heck am I doing? I have a chronic illness (more than one really, but who counts?)....I already can't keep the house clean. I already have virtually no life outside the 4 walls of my house. Sometimes I need a total break from Jacob because he's so loud and busy and energetic, and now I'm going to HOMEschool so he's here ALL. THE. TIME??
But...I could probably give you 50 reasons RIGHT NOW why we want to homeschool, not the least of which is that Jacob is super smart, and would be bored to tears in public school. So the top three would be: first, so he can learn to the full extent of his ability, second would be to keep ME from all the nasty germs he would bring home. Third, and really, this should be number one, is that we simply don't agree with a lot of what public school teaches. We don't want Jacob exposed to things he doesn't NEED to be exposed to: temptations he would only face with 20 of his peers around him every day, the coarse language and joking, the drugs, alcohol, all that garbage. And I've taught in public school, grades K-8, so I know what happens. And that was 15 years ago.
I'm exhausted but not really sleeping....this morning I was up at 4:37AM. Two nights before that I got about 3 hours of sleep, 15 minutes at a time. I'm on medication that has side effects that cancel out other side effects that have side effects that....so who knows.
Then why, you ask, is the title of this post "Thankful Thursday? Seems like all you have done so far is whine and complain."
Point taken. I just wanted to set the stage and let you know that I don't FEEL particularly thankful. SO when I get this way, I do posts like this, and list the things I AM thankful for...to try get my attitude out of the crapper. Sometimes it works, sometimes not, but it's worth it. God has done so much for me...the LEAST I can do is remember to thank Him for it.
1. I am thankul that I have a healthy, precious, smart, talented and energetic son who thinks I hung the moon.
2. I am thankful that I have a husband who has stood by my side for over 10 years, watching me struggle with this illness and never walking away. Has he been perfect? Of course not. But I know many a man who would or could not have dealt with what he has over the last 10 years. I love you honey.
3. I am thankful that I have this computer that I get angry with every other minute because it connects me to friends old and new...and keeps me connected in a huge world that I can't physically get into more often than not.
4. I am thankful for medication, and treatments, while unpleasant at times, that allow me to live some semblance of a "normal" life.
5. I am thankful for a God who doesn't give up on me even when I give up on Him. Who isn't disappointed in me, because He made me, and knows my every thought before it even enters my mind. Who, by His Grace, saved me from an eternity in hell, apart from Him, even though I didn't deserve it. Who chose to allow this disease to enter my life, that it may bring me closer to Him...and maybe along the way, touch a life or two.