Monday, December 10, 2012

Lost Relationships

Sometimes it's so subtle you don't even realize it's happening...until one day, you wonder when the last time you talked to so-and-so was.

Other times, communication just flat out stops, and you know you've been shafted again.

There have been studies on animals (I'm not saying they're right or wrong, so don't go all PETA on me....I'm just making a point) where if the animal is abandoned at birth, and is not touched by another being...animal OR human, they will die.

I saw on CNN the other day that people who have less than 1.5 "face-to face-real" friends, as opposed to facebook, twitter, etc., (not sure how you get the .5 part...) shorten their life span by 8 years.  These "friends" are people you talk to almost daily, people you see on a regular basis, people you get together with and do things with.  They had some psychiatrist specializing in socialization on there, and he said isolation is as dangerous to people as cigarette smoking.

Wow.

I guess I'm in big trouble.

I know people have lives.  I get that.  I can be busy too.  But I'd like to think that I'd make time for others.  I'd like to think that I would get out and visit people who can't get out themselves.  I'd like to think that Jacob and I would visit people in the hospital, and people in nursing homes, and people in prison, and people with chronic illness who just need some cheering up.

I try....I put myself out there.  I ask.  I invite.  And all I ever hear is "If you didn't live out in BFE...."  And that really bothers me.  Because I DO live in BFE, and there's not a damn thing I can do about it.  But just because I do, that means the whole world just gives up on me? 

People always have excuses reasons not to come over.  Or "hang out."

And then I get to see on facebook or hear about the fun they have with other people...and how they've been hanging out and it's been so much fun.

Nothing like adding salt to the wound.

But I pick myself up, put on a happy face, slap on some make-up, put up my hair, and....sit around.

So not so full of sunshine and roses today....But I said a while back I was done censoring myself.  So there you have it.  Me in all my glory. 


5 comments:

Rita said...

Kerri,
While I have other constraints that prevent me from getting out often. We'll call it "one-vehicle-ites". I cannot help but empathize with your point. I believe... beginning with the invention of the telephone and ending with twitter, we as a society seem to have forgotten the importance of gathering. With tools such as Face book and twitter we forget the need to catch up goes beyond our 120 character limit.
and then don't get me started on how busy everyone is ... I hear you Kerri, and I look forward to seeing you tomorrow :)

Robin said...

It's been a while since I visited your blog. I have been spending too much time on facebook and not enough time on blogger. I am changing that. Anyway, as someone with a chronic illness, and who doesn't drive, I can relate to your problem here. If you don't drive, or can't meet up to do fun things "out," you often get left out. It is beyond frustrating. It is maddening. And you do end up losing friends over this whole deal. It pares them way back. And then you start feeling jaded and cynical and that doesn't do anything for your health issues. Vicious circle here.

We just did a big move. Whole new place. Don't know much of anyone. That makes for fun times. So, I am hoping that I have some up-close neighbors that are people with whom I can relate. Otherwise, this could be more of the same. I am trying really hard right now just to wash out my attitude so that I am someone people want to be around. Otherwise, this jig is up before it even starts. So HARD to make new friends as you get older. But I am going to TRY.

I encourage you simply to cherish the people who have STUCK. Everyone else... well, they weren't really your friends in the first place. This illness is like a garden. Shows you who the weeds are and who the real veggies are. Helps you to know who is valuable and who isn't... where to allocate your time and effort. In some ways, it is a blessing. If not for this, you could have wasted your whole life watering weeds and never known it. And then, late in life, when the crisis hit, the weed(s) would have wilted on you. How would that have been for a fine mess?

There is always a blessing in there somewhere. It can be hard to see. Believe me, I know...

Joanna said...

Being stuck stinks!!! 1 car, can't go anywhere, and know no one. The only social interaction I get is when a cousin takes pity on me and comes visits. Boo!
The eye twitch says hi, btw and it may be crazier than usual. Miss you!

Anonymous said...

Kerri, thank you for not censoring yourself. I for one appreciate that very much. I just love it when people are real on FB or blogging. Maybe some people never have anything BUT positive moments in their lives. How fortunate, but that is not the case with me. I have good and bad. On this subject of lost relationships, mostly bad. And I don't see how it's gonna change unless I get a lot more healthy. I was brought back to reality about how sick I am by someone in the medical field just today. Anyway, what you said is so telling:

"... And then I get to see on facebook or hear about the fun they have with other people...and how they've been hanging out and it's been so much fun..."

so much for the too busy thing, just couldn't say too busy for you Kathy! I do understand to some extent, but then again, some of it puzzles me too. Yep, everytime your blog is right on the money! Thanks Kerri for your honesty... ~Kathy L. (I'm not signed in)

Carrie's Just Mildly Medicated said...

Hey there! Found you on a crazy search whim and I am so happy I did! I have a chronic illness as well as everything you said hit home! Check me out if you have time.
Carrie http://justmildlymedicated.blogspot.com/