Not Your Typical Post

I always feel like I have to write a disclaimer when I do a post like this.  But then I think, this is my blog, this is who I am, and those of you who know me know I don't do well censoring myself.  The ONLY thing I want to convey is that from the bottom of my heart this is not about guilt.

I'm probably going to take it to church a bit today, but I'm preaching to myself as well.  So if you don't want to deal with anything but happy, "I'm so thankful"-ness, just stop reading now.

First of all, it kind of annoys me that we take once a year to be thankful for ALL of the things we have been blessed with.  And I am just as responsible for allowing this in MY life.  I am thankful all year around, and I need to express it more.  How about you?

Secondly, this day, for some, holds no thankfulness.  It is just another day...of struggling financially, of missing that loved one who couldn't come home for the holidays...  Another day in the wheelchair. Another day of being a single parent with too many bills, not enough money, and not enough time to raise his or her children the way they really want to.

For some, it is a painful reminder of the past.  Grief.  Remembering that your precious sister, mother, daughter, son, niece, nephew, grandparent, parent, brother, child....is no longer with you.  I know so many for whom this will be the first of many firsts "without".

The first Thanksgiving without their child.  Without their sister.  Without their nephew.  Without their best friend.  Without their husband.

I just want us to be truly mindful of all that we have been blessed with, and to remember whilst eating turkey and stuffing and laughing and cajoling with those we love that there are MANY who aren't laughing.  There are many who are not eating.

There are many who mourn.

There are some who are resentful today.  Some who struggle with anger, justified or not.  I am loathe to admit I am one of those.  To me, the DAY doesn't matter as much as my attitude.  I should be thankful every day for all the amazing things and people my God has blessed me with.  Like my husband.  And my precious little boy.  And Doug's steady, wonderful job.  And my dad being cancer-free.  And my mom, faithful and steadfast to God and her family her whole. entire. life.

But I find myself angry and resentful at what once was and what should still be be, but isn't, and may never be again.

If there is one thing to know about me, it is that I try to be as honest as humanly possible.  Never in a hurtful way.  Never.  I just can't post sunshine and roses on command when my heart is full of crap it shouldn't be.   I can CHOOSE to be thankful, which I am.  I am CHOOSING to try with everything in me to rejoice and be glad and relish in the moment.  I will put a smile on my face for my loved ones around me, and pray that God will soothe the wounds inside me.

But part of me just can't.  Part of me has my own issues that are bigger than me, and part of me is just heartbroken for those I know and love who are hurting.

So please be mindful of those today who aren't exactly in the "I'm so thankful" mood.  Truly, we ALL have much to be thankful for.  But just because the calendar says we need to wear it on our sleeve TODAY, doesn't mean all of us can.