Bad News, Good News, No News

Well, bad news first. It seems that NO ONE ON THIS EARTH has the cable that I need to make my fancy cool phone work with my computer. SO. I will be returning it tomorrow before the trial is over and I get nailed down for a 2 year contract. Argh. However, I have NOT given up...I WILL find something that works out in the sticks other than dial up, AND for the right price. I WILL!!!!

Good news: Pheresis went like a dream...well, as dreamy as lying in a hospital bed for one hour and five minutes with needles in you arms can be! Yup...only one hour and five minutes! The treatment just FLEW....I think that was the fastest ever. Sweet! So we went to Cabela's (how could we NOT? We were only 20 miles away!) and I walked around waaaay too much. I did, however, find the BEST deal. The cutest little green Florida hat that was originally $30.00 (like who on earth would pay 30 bucks for a little canvas hat with a button and a few stripes???) for {drum roll please.......} seventy-five cents. YUP. So I got two of them. $60.00 worth of hats for $1.50. That has to be some kind of record. THEN I got some REALLY cute Columbia sandals in pink for $10.66!!! I know, I'm amazing.

K. So I got almost no sleep, then had to go to the hospital for the MRI. Oy vey. Hurry up and wait. I get there at 7, as instructed, for my MRI at 8:30. I think they finally started taking me to the MRI area at about 8:45, and then they have a little holding area, where we sat for about 30 mintues. Nice. My nerves were stretched thin enough as it was....they started popping!

The resident anesthesiologist (RA for future reference) was very kind and thorough, and explained everything. They would take me to the holding area, and wait to put me out til we got into the actual MRI room. Okay, whatever.

So we get to the holding room and RA reaffirms the waiting to be knocked out theory. Then this other guy, all in scrubs, comes in and kinda stares at me. So I stare back. I could already tell he was funny. I think his name was Bruce. He said something to the RA about getting things started. I said, "So you're the Anesthesia Man?" He said, "What day is it, Thursday? Yup, Tuesday and Thursday I'm the Amesthesia Man. Monday, Wednesday and Friday I'm the Anesthesia Woman." Okay, maybe you have to have no sleep and frayed nerves, but it was hilarious. Then he asked if my hair was purple. I said, yup...and I can tell ya how to do it...you might look pretty cool with a couple of purple stripes....His hair was gray and kind of all poofy when he took the scrubs hat off. Guess you had to be there, but it was funny.

AM: "So I'm gonna take that trach out real quick and see how big of an opening you have."

Me: "While I'm AWAKE?"

AM: "I'll put it right back!"

Me: "Why do you have to do that? It's a 10. You can use a number 6 ET Tube....trust me, I know, I carry one with me!"

AM: "Okay, you talked me out of it."

So RA tells AM (Anesthesia Man) that we're waiting to put me out til we get to the room. AM says, "Why would we do that?" RA says: "Well, we were talking about it in the lounge the other day and that's what most people are doing."

Enter NG (New Guy), bringing in a very flat, very hard looking plastic table with straps all over it. "I've never done that...I think I've seen it done that way once."

AM: "I've done this for 20 years and never did it that way. How many people were in the lounge? Two?"

Me: "You're gonna put me on that thing and TIE ME DOWN??"

RA: "We'll get a wedge and make you as comfortable as possible." Yah, as confortable as you can be strapped down to cement! To AM: "No, really, there were a bunch of people in the lounge."

Me, raising hand: "I'll settle this...I vote for here, because I'm starting to flip out!"

Apparently that's all you have to say cuz the next thing I know I feel a little sting in the IV and I'm in la la land. I woke up in recovery about 11:30. They still had the ET tube in, must have had the cuff up because I couldn't breathe very well. They swapped out the trach.... I coughed it out had to shove it back in with no mirror or anything...Good thing I was half out of it. They didn't put it in right anyway. The nurse recovery was like, "Does that happen often?" I just stared at her...not-so-nicely.

So I'm itching to get out of there ASAP. I could barely walk, but I managed to get to the restroom after Doug helped me put my clothes on, so they let me go. I got coffee right away, and then we got in the car and I fell asleep. Stopped for food in Marshall, and I looked SO stoned. My eyes were half shut and I could NOT open them any further. I was half there and half out. Dont' remember eating, really. Back to sleep in the car, had to go get Jacob from Wayland, then home. Felt a teeny better, but today I feel like I've been severely beaten.

They told me I would be tired and sore. Apparently they had to manhandle me. Nice. RA said even though you're "sleeping" you can still move around, thus the straps and stuff. I have a bruise about the size of Jacob's feet on my arm from the blood pressure cuff. Yes, I said blood pressure cuff. That thing got so tight I thought my arm was going to fall off. I don't know how high they thought my blood pressure was going to be....it's like it was rated to start at 500 or something! And of course they have to do this every 15 mintues. One more reason to get out of there in a hurry!

So I'm a bit battered and bruised, but I'm alive, the MRI is done.

AND FINALLY the no news: which is what I have from the MRI. If I don't hear Monday I'll call.

Sorry so long!!