Not-So-Stellar Weekend

I'm so glad there are no Mommy police living with me. I would have been hauled off to jail this weekend. Oh my GOSH I didn't know someone so tiny, whom you love and cherish more than life itself, someone who looks at you with big, adorable, not-always-so-innocent blue eyes, who can melt your heart with "I love you Mommy" at just the right time...I had no idea how ANGRY they can make you! Yesterday was one of the worst Mommy days of my life. Maybe the worst. Jacob was driving me crazy. And that makes me feel HORRIBLE. I felt like SUCH a failure as a mom. How can you get so angry and frustrated and want to smack your own CHILD???

Doug was busy outside all weekend again, since it wasn't raining, getting things ready for winter. It's all stuff that needs to be done, and since it's been so crappy out (gotta love Michigan) he hasn't been able to take Jacob out with him. Tooooo much "Mommy and me" time, I guess. I mean, I know that everyone needs a break, and everyone needs time away from their kids, but when you find yourself so angry and impatient...I literally had to walk away from him once because I was SO mad....I couldn't even see straight. I felt like the biggest loser on the planet.

The child is SO stubborn! I mean, I am stubborn. Doug is stubborn. But Jacob? We're talking a whole new level of bull-headedness. He REFUSES to go potty on the potty. He'll sit on it, he'll stand in front of it, but will he go? Nope. He will wait until he gets in the tub, or has his diaper back on. We've tried special big boy underwear, talking to him, bribing him...NOTHING works. Some people are like, "He'll go when he's ready." And I kind of get that, but most of me is like, "Oh my GOSH I am so sick of changing poopy diapers I could puke." Plus, Jacob is getting so big, it's getting difficult for me to even manhandle him to change him. I'm about ready to just let him walk around naked and make him clean up the mess if he makes it. Yeah, like THAT would happen.

Then we have the not eating thing...anything edible that is. If it's not SUPPOSED to go in your mouth? Jacob will try it. Yesterday he was licking the bottom of his shoe. Anyone who knows me, and how I feel about germs, well....it's just EXTREMELY ironic that MY child will put anything disgusting in his mouth. He will eat dirt. He will lick his shoes. He was sucking on the hammer yesterday. Anything vile and disgusting. Yet if he gets one SPOT of food on his hand, OH the horror!

I went outside yesterday afternoon with my purse, keys and Jacob, and completely fell apart. I told Doug I had to get out of there for a few minutes before someone died. Didn't know who would get it, exactly, but I knew it was getting bad. I didn't even take my suction machine! I don't think I've EVER left the house without it. I am NOT like that. I think part of it may be the drugs. Why can't side effects of medication make you like, not want to eat, super skinny and happy? Of COURSE not. They have to make you fat, hungry all the time (like hide-the-small-children-and-animals-hungry), have raging mood swings, and make you angry. I mean stupid angry. Ug. I put my head on Doug and I was like: {sobbing} I'm a failure as a mother. My child will graduate at 17 from Harvard, and still be licking his shoes and not peeing on the potty!" Doug, to his credit, not only did not laugh, but also told me I was a great mom. (Brownie points to you, babe.)

Anyway....I guess I'll be done venting for now...Today has got to be better, right?????