Monday, June 28, 2010

Frustration

PPPhhhhttt.

That's how I feel today. It's Monday. I'm tired. (What is with waking up every hour to pee? I know I drink a lot of water, but that was ridiculous!) Jacob seems to have forgotten how to do everything he has learned to do independently: getting dressed, going potty on his own (every. five. minutes.), feeding himself....Sometimes I wonder about that child. Genius one second, scatterbrained the next. Oh, wait, that's just like me!

Blackie is doing much better, thank goodness. The pain medicine works wonders, and he is once again sleeping through the night. I know this is all normal mom stuff....I just wished it stopped there.

My fibro has really been acting up...could it be weather related? I have been so focused (not by choice) on the diabetes and MG that I don't even really know that much about what affects fibromyalgia. And frankly I don't have the time or energy to find out.

I'm trying to write...but I never have time! (Yah, I know....welcome to life). I asked my husband if he would just please support my writing, and he says "I always have honey!" So I try to write a little bit at night when he's home to watch after Jacob, and I get: "Are you gonna be one that thing all night?"

OH...this is my favorite: a couple of years ago, to TRY to make my point about my hubby working outside too much and not spending enough time with Jacob, I was like: "If something happened to him, or me, would you be like, 'Gosh, I wish I would have gotten one more project done,' or 'Gee, I wish I would have spent more time with my son?'" Which was NOT well-received, let me tell you.

So now I get hear "If something happened to me or Jacob would you say, 'Gee, I wish I would have written one more paragraph, or Gee, I wish I would have spent one more hour with my family?'" I was like, I'm already with him 24/7, what's your point?? "Family time" by the way, is sitting on our butts watching TV. It's not like we bond over Whale Wars for sh!ts sake.

Ug. Sorry. I just get tired of fighting for every single thing. Breathing. Walking up the stairs. Getting a MOMENT to myself. Putting the dogs out. Not being in pain. Getting hubby to spend time with us... time that matters. I have ZERO energy, and I'm supposed to be a wife and mom. And friend. And sister. And daughter. And financier. And psychologist. And housecleaner. And medical genuis. And playmate. And writer? Yah. Right.

Anywho. Sorry for the downer. Just frustrated.

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2 comments:

Karen Mortensen said...

Sorry about all of this. Sending good thoughts your way.

Joanna said...

I am so frustrated myself - must be something in the air!