Only on Monday

Good grief. Never, ever, EVER go to get fasting bloodwork done at the hospital lab at 9:30 on Monday morning when you're diabetic and forgot to go at 7 when they opened. Ug. By the time I was done I was ready to chew off my left arm.

The joy started when the chickie checking me in had to ask the same 5,000 questions they always ask, then had to scan my insurance cards AGAIN, then asked the same 3,500 questions about why I am on Medicare, THEN they have to check every.single.test. on the stupid lab sheet to see if our unbelievably crappy socialist government insurance Medicare covers it.

Of course that leads us to:

Chickie: Oh, THAT one isn't going to be covered.

Me: {heavy sigh, icy stare}

Chickie: The 25 hydroxy vitamin D deficiency test. They never cover that one. We never get the correct diagnosis code. Let me double check.

Me: {thinking} If you can spout off all that I'm pretty sure you know if it's covered or not.

Chickie: Nope. That's what I thought. Okay, so the test is $425.00. Would you like to pay for that now or shall I call your doctor to fax new orders? {sacharine smile}

Me: {after picking myself up off the floor}. I am NOT paying $425.00 for anything. I'm not waiting for you to call my doctor. I'm diabetic, it's getting late, and I'm hungry. {not to mention I just started "aunt flo" as Joanna would say, my throat hurts and I'm ready to smack someone.}

Chickie: Okay, I need to print out this form, and have you sign here, fill this out...

Me: {thinking, holy crap woman, just cross the dang thing off and let's get on with it}

Chickie: {gets out her little red star stamp, circles this, marks that} This is a legal document so I need you to initial here, check this box, sign here, and give me your first born. (just kidding on that last part)

Me: {initialing, signing, blah blah blah}

Chickie: {sing-songing} Here you go, have a nice day!

Me: Too late

So I get to the lab waiting area. Good heavens, do the dregs of humanity come out on Mondays. Not to mention the "special" hospital volunteer guy who was about eye level with my chest and kept saying "hello."

There were also two "special" adult people there. One was VERY concerned about a dog that had run away and maybe was at the dog "pond" (it's POUND people!!!!) The second gentlemen was a little like Rain Man without the sexy brother. After being there for about 10 minutes, trying very hard to just read my book and ignore the sights, sounds....and SMELLS....Mr. RainMan leans forward in his vinyl chair as far as he can without falling out, and farts long and loud.

My sentiments exactly, RainMan. My sentiments exactly.