Saturday, January 29, 2011

So Much On My Mind

Tina and the kiddos left yesterday, and I can't believe how really sad I am. I got used to having a girlfriend right here to talk to non-stop! And Jacob was having so much fun with the kids. A few scuffles, but much more fun.

We watched American Idol tryouts (don't know from when, they were on the DVR) and the last person we saw was a young man whose fiance was in a horrible car crash 2 months before their wedding. He said, "I was ready to say my vows, to love and to cherish, for richer or poorer, for better or worse, in sickness or in health. What kind of man would I be to walk away now?"

God BLESS you young man. (He could sing too!) THAT is committment and faithfulness. It also reminded me of my husband, and how almost the same thing happened to him. He said the vows FIRST, but then 2 months later I'm on my death bed, literally. And he honored his vows. That is so rare today. So many people think, well, if it doesn't work, we can always get divorced.

Doug and I don't let that even BE a possibility. We simply don't let the "d" word into our vocabulary. Sometimes I get really irritated with him...face it, it's marriage! We ALL get irritated with our spouses.

But really, look at what he has endured. Eleven years of a chronically ill wife. That is NOT easy. And (I know, believe it or not...) I can be a bit difficult at times. Really! It's true! I know you could never believe that from my docile personality....Yes, it IS getting deep in here!

Doug has been an amazing husband over the last 11 years. He has been my best friend, my confidante, my cheerleader, my nurse, my caregiver, my taxi driver, my carrier of medical equipment, my wheelchair pusher, my hand holder, my supporter, and the love of my life.

So. I am looking forward to some new opportunities as well as closing some doors to other things I thought would permanently be part of my life. (THINGS not people). Lots of weird things going on, lots of good things.

Things are finally looking up physically, and more importantly, emotionally. Trying to keep my chin up no matter what....we'll see what happens! I really am a hopeless optimist!


Patty Ann said...

I think that being an optimist is the very best way to be!! It really helps me to try and be positive. It makes me feel better, no matter what is going on. It is hard, and I don't succeed all the time, but I really do try! I am so glad that you had a break with friends. You needed the positive things to happen!! Hope you are feeling better and more yourself. Your husband sounds amazing!! and that is probably the best gift of all!!

Renee Ann said...

I, too, watched the video of Chris Medina on AI and cried like a baby at the beauty of his commitment. Sad that that type of love in action is so rare . . . It's inspiring to read of your life with your husband. Obviously you both see and cherish each other's "inner person," not just the bodies you're dwelling in for this lifetime. But that's also hard to do--even for those of us who are trying to let the Holy Spirit filter our view! Happy Monday!

Hello! I'm Kate. said...

We don't even think about the D word either, it's just not an option. Whenever I tell people that, they always say to me, well it could be an option. I just tell them they don't understand, it's not an option. I'm so glad to read someone who is the same way!

I'm glad you're feeling better physically & emotionally!

I'm happy for you & Doug! So glad you got an awesome one!

Rachel said...

So glad to hear you had such a good time!! You deserved a break. A positive outlook goes such a long way. No matter how bad things may seem, there is always someone who is carrying a bigger cross.

You are blessed to have a husband/friend to stand by your side. Divorce is easy, marriage is hard work.

Keep your chin up, as always keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.