Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Random Letters

Dear Boxelder Bugs,

You are hideous and I hate you! You don't seem to annoy anyone in the house but me. I do not want you near me! Do not crawl on me, do a "fly-by" my face, or land on my table. Go away! You're a bug. You're supposed to live OUTSIDE and do buggy things. And since you live on almost every flippin' tree within one square mile of my house, you have PLENTY to choose from. If you MUST stay, know that this. means. war. My dogs love to eat you, and I will do everything in my power to knock you on the floor so they can devour you (insert evil laugh).

Boxelder Bug Battler

Dear Rituxan Infusion Scheduler,

Thank you for getting me in so quickly. But 8 AM? Seriously? We live 3 hours away! Because I am confident that this medication will put me into remission, I'll let it go, this time.

Not An Early Riser

Dear Mailman,

Could you bring me something other than catalogs I don't want and junk mail? I love getting the mail. Moreso than the average bear. It's kind of a weird thing, I my office supply addiction. But that's another story. Anyway. A nice package or letter or card would be awesome. See what you can do. Thanks.

Snail Mail Junkie

Dear Charities That Send Cash or Checks In Your Plea For Money,

I will NOT send you money on principle. I won't even send your check back. Once I even cashed it because you make me so angry. If you send out 1 million letters with a $2.00 check in each envelope, and everyone cashed them (since they are made out to the person you send it to), you would be out TWO MILLION DOLLARS. Why don't you spare yourselves the time and money of sending all that out when you could just spend the TWO MILLION on your cause? Am I the only one who thinks this is ridiculous?

Even if you send a nickel. I'm sure you send it to at least a million people. Probably many more, but we'll just go with a million. That's $50,000.00. And when you send out 4 pleas a year, you're up to $200,000! Do you KNOW how many people you can feed for $200,000? You are so agitating and illogical. You make me CRAZY. AND, you won't get a nickel from me. Not even the one you sent me.

Generous To People With BRAINS


CoconutPalmDesigns said...

I love when you do Random Letters. I agree with you about the bugs, although I don't know what that particular type of bug is, they should ALL stay outside. It always amazes me how many bugs are in my house considering how many spiders and lizards (geckos) are also inside my house.

Cheers :-)
- CoconutPalmDesigns

KarTer Kake Gallery said...

I sucked up one of those bugs in your vacuum yesterday!! Bahahahaha!!

Stuff could always be worse said...

You have very creative Random Letters! No nickels from me either :)

Rachel said...

As always random letters are great!

I get tons of address labels in the mail every week. I'm sure I have enough to cover every wall of my living room by now...Today I got a Native American dream catcher wind chime in the mail, this makes my third one...

In NJ we are being overtaken by stinks bugs, they are hideous, and smell like rotten eggs when you crush them!!

Patty Ann said...

Love the random letters, and kudos to the mailman (I used to be a letter carrier myself). I love snail mail. there is just something totally fun about getting good surprises.

Kimberly said...

Ewww...I hate boxelder bugs almost more than I do daddy long legs.

Donna Perugini said...

I don't think I've seen one of those bugs. If you put mothballs in your vacuum, it will kill whatever bug you suck up in it. But you don't need a vacuum as your dog is good at feeding on them. Blech!

I've never received a letter asking for money with money in it. They should fire the person who had that idea! It's the phone calls that ask for money here. We just tell them our 'giving' finances have been determined for the whole year and they quit calling.