Monday, September 26, 2011

Random Letters Volume 917

Dear Ten-Minute-Thunderstorm,

I cannot believe you had the audacity to zap my not even two-year-old black Friday television during your very brief albeit violent appearance on Saturday.  Not even 10 minutes, and you fry my TV.  Nothing else, not the lamp that was plugged into the same outlet, or the DVD player, or the DVR; the power didn't even blink for crying out loud.  Just for the record, I'm NOT a fan.

Sincerely,
Out-Way-Too-Much-Money-To-Replace-Nature's-Bad-Aim


Dear Germ That Will Not Leave My House,

You have overstayed your welcome.  This is war.  You will be bleached, sanitized, anti-bacterialized, and in every other way, shape, form and fashion destroyed.  My son and I are sick of coughing, no pun intended.  While we are definitely on the mend, you are clingy and needy, and you are heretofore dismissed!

Sincerely,
Your Destroyer


Dear Veins,

I am so sorry to tell you that you will have to endure 2 more plasmapheresis treatments with the ginormous needles.  I have to postpone my port placement due to above germ.  Don't worry, we are going to kill it.  Please do not hide when the needles come at you.  Hopefully this will be the last time in a long time and you can have a nice little vacation in Transylvania or somewhere nice.

Sincerely,
Your Owner


And finally, because once again I am absolutely dumbfounded at the sheer shallowness of our society:

Dear Shallow, Empty-Headed People,

There REALLY are worse things than having a bad hair day, breaking a nail, or even, {gasp} getting a stain on your favorite blouse.  You can fix your hair, your nail will grow back, and you can buy another shirt for the love of cotton.  Some of us have REAL problems, like dealing with chronic illness, or loved ones with cancer, or the death of a loved one, or financial ruin or divorce.  I hate to burst your glittery little bubble, but there ain't no freakin' fairy godmother.  So pick your dainty fairy princess a$$ up, pull your head out, and GROW UP.

Sincerely,
Someone Who May Just Lose Her Mind Over The Next Shallow, Empty-Headed, Nonsensical MORON Who Has The Misfortune To Cross Her Path

2 comments:

bluewhitelife said...

A T-storm did the SAME THING to my cell phone charger a few years back. Fried the charger but not the phone. REALLY, T-storm? Unbelievable! I'm really glad you're going for the port - I think your veins will be VERY happy.

I'm not too shallow :) So you must like me! Actually, I'm hurting today, so I KNOW there's worse things than a bad hair day. Like, I delayed filling my prescription for a week and the pharmacy is out. Sure, it's just an acne medicine, but my face is peeling off, guys. This isn't even related to my #1 invisible illness (because this illness, medicine-induced rosacea, is visible, dangit)

I obviously should just blog on your comment wall :)

Patty Ann said...

Kerri, I love your humor. You are wonderful, and you made me laugh, which I needed today. I hope you are feeling better soon. I hope all is well, and I hope that you remember you are loved.