Friday, January 13, 2012

{Sigh}

Hey all.

I have not been in a good place the last several days.  Weeks, maybe?  Months?  Ever since the coughing-up-of-the-blood for a month, and pneumonia, all while trying to maintain my sanity while raising a very inquisitive, extremely bright, crazy active, exuberant-ALL-boy only child who thinks Mommy has nothing better to do than be his playmate.... 

I'm trying so hard to stay "upbeat."  I mean, I'm not trying to be fake... {please, those of you who know me know I don't do fake...not in my genetic code}.  I'm just trying really, really hard to count my blessings and stay focused on all the good things in my life. 

Can I just tell you what a challenge it's been?  UN-real. The only way that I could even BEGIN to manage everything I do is if I give up everything that I LOVE that doesn't necessarily impact Doug and Jacob....like my jewelry.  And my writing.  And my blog.  And facebook.  My social networking ability is my LIFELINE.  Literally.  There have been times when I have been "this close" to just throwing in the towel.  And it wasn't my husband or family that brought me out of the pit.  It was my friends on facebook and friends from my blog... people with whom I have bonded MORE than family. 

And I WILL. NOT. GIVE. THAT. UP.  I won't.

So I have to just soldier on and suck it up.  Not a perfect way to live, to be sure....but it's the only way I know how to survive right now.  Yup.  Definitely in survival mode. Just. Keep. Moving.

If I didn't think I'd have a breakdown, I'd beg to be committed! (Yeah, think on that one for a while...)

3 comments:

Pam said...

Keri my heart breaks for you that you have to struggle thru every moment to survive
I love you and am praying for you

davisbabs78 said...

KERRI:

I DON'T WANT TO PREACH TO YOU. YOU'RE UNDER A TREMENDOUS AMOUNT OF STRESS. SOME WE CREATE OURSELVES, SOME OTHERS CREATE FOR US. I CAN'T IMAGINE HOW AWFUL YOU MUST FEEL WITH COUGHING UP BLOOD AND ALL. YOU ARE STILL YOUNG. DON'T BE LIKE ME AND KEEP PUSHING AND PUSHING MYSELF/ YOURSELF. I'M 51 YEARS NOW. I QUIT WORKING AS A SPEECH PATHOLOGIST IN A SCHOOL SYSTEM THAT TOTALLY SUCKED. I LOVED THE KIDS. IT WAS THE STUPID TEACHERS AND PRINCIPAL WITH HALF A BRAIN THAT DROVE ME TO CRACK. IN 2007 I WAS DIAGNOSED WITH "MG". BUT, I KEPT WORKING WITH ACCOMMODATIONS. HAD TO CALL THE EEOC ON THE SCHOOL. THEY WERE TRYING TO MAKE ME CRACK. THE SCHOOL SYSTEM DOESN'T LIKE TO HAVE EMPLOYEES WITH DISABILITIES I THINK THE LORD WANTED ME TO QUIT THE YEAR BEFORE LAST, BUT I WANTED TO GET MY TEN YEARS IN.
THE LAST YEAR DID ME IN AND I DEVELOPED MORE AUTOIMMUNE DISEASES. LET SOME OF THE LESS IMPORTANT THINGS GO. I FINALLY REALIZED THAT IF I DIDN'T TAKE SOME TIME TO HEAL I WOULDN'T BE WORTH ANYTHING TO ANYBODY. THE LORD STILL WANTS ME TO REST. I'M NOT USED TO SITTING OR SLEEPING SO MUCH. I WAS ALWAYS ON THE GO. I WANT TO SERVE THE LORD, HELP WITH ANIMALS,A COUPLE DAYS A WEEK JUST VOLUNTARILY. I WILL PRAY FOR YOU FOR YOU TO REGAIN YOUR HEALTH AND FOR THE LORD TO GIVE YOU STRENGTH TO GET GET BETTER. TAKE CARE AND GOD BLESS...BARB

Margaret said...

Hang in there! I know how you are feeling because I am feeling the same way right now. It will get better it always does!