Monday, June 24, 2013

My Hope

"Find rest, O my soul, in God alone;
my Hope comes from Him.
HE ALONE is my salvation;
He is my Fortress, I will not be shaken.
My salvation and my honor depend on God;
HE is my Mighty Rock, my Refuge."
Psalm 62:5-7

Having myasthenia gravis is not fun.  There is NOTHING good about it.  Except maybe for the fact that it has caused me to depend further on God for everything.  He has always been my Hope; but when there was NO hope at all in the physical realm, Eternal Hope literally kept me alive.

Sometimes it's the ONLY thing that keeps me going.  Yes, I have a wonderful family.  Yes, I have made incredible friends.  But when it comes right down to brass tacks, I am the one with this disease.  I am the one who lives it out.  I am the one who suffers the symptoms and weakness and has had to give up many dreams.  Yes, I know my husband has too.  But only I walk the road that is MG.  Me, and God.

And He IS my Hope.

My devotion this morning ended with this true and profound statement:  "In the world, dependency is seem as immaturity.  But in My kingdom, dependence on Me is a prime measure of maturity." (Sarah Young, Jesus Calling, pg 183). emphasis mine

I used to curse my dependence.  Not so much on God, but on my husband, my family, my friends.  I was one of the most INdependent people I knew.  I had a fabulous job that I loved, I lived on my own, I made my own decisions, I didn't have anyone telling me what to do...  I LOVED not having to depend on anyone.

All that changed as the symptoms from MG started getting worse.  My first symptom was July of 1996.  I had to quit my job on August 14, 2000 because I wasn't sleeping, I was choking on my own spit, and I couldn't enunciate well enough for anyone to understand me.  Quitting that job was one of the hardest things I'd ever done.  I'm NOT a quitter.

As my disease progressed, so did my dependence on others.  And that's when it really all became about dependence on God.  At first I didn't really have a choice.  It was up to Him whether I lived or died. 

But now, I choose dependence on God.  Because, come to find out, I DON'T always make the greatest decisions!  Shocker!  So dependence has lost is negative connotations in my life.  Dependence on God equals freedom.  Didn't make sense to me either until I had to walk it out.

And I'm thankful I stuck to it.  Because without God, I would have no Hope.  And without Hope, I would not have life.

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