Okay....so we left off at the fertility clinic, in the room, getting the
ultrasound, searching for the number of eggs able to be retrieved for
in vitro. To give you a hint, my friend had this done and she produced
at least 30 each time.
And they found.........one. One. Uno. Eins. Een. Jeden. Un.
I was devastated. And I was alone. I left in a state of shock. We
were just SO sure this was going to work. I didn't respond to the
fertility drugs. Apparently I couldn't have a baby. I went home and
took the few baby things I had gotten (an adorable giraffe that said the
"Now I Lay Me" prayer, and a little baby toy someone had given us when
we told them what we were doing). I gave them to Doug and told him to
burn them. (He didn't, but he got them out of my sight).
almost a year of getting over the disappointment, trying to figure out
what was next....I really didn't know how important it was to Doug to
have his own biological child. To me, any child would be mine if I
raised it and loved it. I never had a strong desire to HAVE
children...I just wanted them. Lots of them. Having this infernal
disease was going to make that very difficult.
In May of 2005,
after seeking God and lots of prayers on my part, on my friends' parts,
my family, etc., I very clearly heard God tell me to "submit to my
husband" in the area of the baby. I was like a child dragging their
feet..."Fine," I thought.
I told Doug we could try "the old
fashioned way" but I would only try for one year, and then we would
adopt. I had it so stuck in my mind that I couldn't get pregnant...but
there I go again, playing God when I should know better!
to start with my neurologist, who gave us the okay after four months of
being off my CellCept. I had to go off my anti-depressants (which I
very soon had to go on a pregnancy safe one because I was losing my
mind). I had to go on a blood pressure medication, start seeing a
perinatologist (high risk OB people), and had to go on insulin. The
insulin made me gain 20 pounds before I we even started trying, so I was
not very happy.
Speaking of high risk, I had all these factors:
obviously the MG, I was diabetic, I was 35....three BIG factors in a
high risk pregnancy.
Both of my sisters gained like 100 pounds
with their pregnancies, and I'm thinking, "I can't even move (I really
went downhill off the CellCept)...I'm going to gain 150 pounds." I was
nervous, to say the least.
We started trying in October of 2005.
I took a test in October, which I shouldn't have, because it was
negative, and I was really surprised at how disappointed I was. I still
didn't really WANT to be pregnant. I was terrified! And my family
thought I was crazy...they were very concerned about my health. In
November I got my period before I even thought about testing, so I knew
then that I wasn't pregnant.
On December 10, we had a Michigan
MG meeting in Dundee, Michigan. Well, in Dundee there is a Cabela's. I
love Cabela's. What I didn't know what that it was like Cabela Club
Member Day and there were about 420,000 peeople in the store. We
didn't even want to walk around, and the lines were to the back of the
store. It's a BIIIIIG store... We only needed a few things, so I got in
line right away, and Doug went to get the stuff. It didn't help that I
was having THE worst case of PMS EVER, and I was ready to kill everyone
I looked at. I hate crowds ordinarily, but this was a special kind of
hatred. I was supposed to get my period that day, so I was just
waiting. I KNEW I couldn't be pregnant because of the PMS from hell.
We got home about 9:30PM, and still no period. I was going to test in
the morning, Sunday. I couldn't wait. I just wanted to get it
overwith so I didn't wonder all night long. I would cry a little, then
go to bed. So I got the test out, peed, and put the stick on the
To my shock, amazement, and utter glee (which I wasn't
expecting) a big ol' PLUS sign showed up. I just sat there for a
minute. I was actually speechless. For those of you who know me well,
that NEVER happens. I brought the stick into the living room where Doug
was watching TV. I gave him the stick, and he just looked at it.
He said, "What does this mean?"
And with great delight I replied, "What do you think it means.....Daddy???"
To be continued.....