Thursday, March 18, 2010

Caregivers

I think that one group of people that is highly UNDER-appreciated and not valued nearly enough is caregivers. The people who take care of the people like me. Sometimes I don't need to be taken care of. Sometimes I do. And usually I do when it's not very good timing for my caregivers. One of the most frustrating parts of being a caregiver I suppose. Not much fun for the sickie either!

My husband is a great example. It seems that I need him most when he's busiest at work, or has a million things to do around the house. That came out the other day when he said some not-so-nicely-put things to me. I'll spare the details because I know he was super stressed. But it wasn't very nice. It DID however, bring about a great change...I think. Jacob will now be going to my dear friend Shawn's house every Wednesday. She has a daycare, but there's no babies, and there isn't like 20 kids. In fact, there is a little boy, an only child, Jacob's age. Perfect.

Being an only child can be rough too: I told Jacob he was going to start going to Auntie Shawn's next week and play with lots of kids.
Jacob: Will they be my FRIENDS???
Mommy: Yup.
Jacob: And I can play with them and they will be my friends?
Mommy: Yes, honey.
Jacob {getting out the knife, ready to stab Mommy's heart} So I won't be sad anymore?

UG. All of the air whooshed out of me. Lately Jacob has been crying and saying, "I just want a friend." Oh my GOSH talk about my feeling like CRAPOLA. Because of my disease, I take medication to suppress my immune system. Therefore, if I get any kind of sickness, cold, flu, whatever, I could end up in the hospital, even die. {One reason we are hone-schooling}.

Because I have to be so careful about germs, Jacob has missed out on a lot of stuff: nursery, play groups....and the fact that he is a thumb sucker doesn't help. He gets germs on his hand and there goes the thumb. But...I'm doing pretty well right now, mostly. So this will actually be GOOD, because Jacob will get to play with other kids, and I will get a day to myself, to go to the chiropractor, dentist, eye doctor, store, or just go home and rest!!

That Mommy guilt is right up there on the list of "Things I hate about MG." Hearing my baby so sad, knowing it's because of me....Breaks.My.Heart.

Anyway....If you are ill and have a caregiver in your life, cut them some slack when they get frustrated. It's an overwhelming job, especially when you also have a very busy full time job.

And caregivers: thank you. All we ask is that if you get frustrated, TALK to us...don't snap. Don't let the frustration build to a point where you go ballistic. Just talk about it. I promise we can figure something out.

9 comments:

Teresa @ ♥ TOO MANY HEARTBEATS ♥ said...

I really needed to read this today. I am completely homebound and bedridden because of my illness (Dysautonomia). Therefore, my AMAZING husband and my two WONDERFUL teenage daughters help take care of me. They are always gracious and caring but sometimes we do get on each others nerves! :0( And we say things that hurt. I really would like to find a support group for them....and me. I know it is important to talk things out but sometimes it can't be with each other because venting often hurts even if you don't mean for it to.

Well, I'm stopping by from SITS. I'm sorry I missed your 'DAY IN THE SUN'. I'm glad you were honored. I bet it was amazing!

I hope you will stop by and visit me, too. Hopefully, we can be friends!

Blessings,

Teresa <><

Margaret said...

That is really well put and I too needed to hear that. I get frustrated with my caregivers and I need to remember to take a step back and remember they are just as stressed as I am if not more stressed.

Jeanette said...

Oh man, more tears. Your posts kill me (in a good way). Remember, just as God has a bigger plan for you in all of this so does He for your son. Having a sick mommy is part of his journey and he will probably grow to be an amazing, empathetic young man with a lot of good to share because of it.

mama of 4 said...

(((hugs to you and your husband and son)))

Young Wife said...

I'm excited for you about the new arrangement. You're a wonderful person, and I know Jacob will grow up to be a great man.

selatan pantai burung said...

hai ..
iam pipit from indonesia.
i like your blog.
your son so handsome.
you must be stronger, you can hack that disease.

nice to meet you :)

Lucy said...

You are so right! We need to show them some love and appreciation for all that they do! Thanks for reminding us all to do that!
Hugs,
Lucy

Rachel said...

You are right. Caregivers are under-appreciated. The daily work they do often goes overlooked. Being a caregiver is a tough job. I was an in-home caregiver for someone before I became disabled myself. Ironic, huh?!

I'm so glad you have found a solution that will help you get the rest you need and allow your son the playtime with friends that he needs.

Corrie Howe said...

Wow! I'm glad that you share about your disease so that I can understand what you are going through. I'm really sorry to hear about your son. It must be hard on both of you. I'll be praying about what other ways in which both of you can have your needs met.