Okay....so we left off at the fertility clinic, in the room, getting the ultrasound, searching for the number of eggs able to be retrieved for in vitro. To give you a hint, my friend had this done and she produced at least 30 each time.
And they found.........one. One. Uno. Eins. Een. Jeden. Un.
Yah. I was devastated. And I was alone. I left in a state of shock. We were just SO sure this was going to work. I didn't respond to the fertility drugs. Apparently I couldn't have a baby. I went home and took the few baby things I had gotten (an adorable giraffe that said the "Now I Lay Me" prayer, and a little baby toy someone had given us when we told them what we were doing). I gave them to Doug and told him to burn them. (He didn't, but he got them out of my sight).
It was almost a year of getting over the disappointment, trying to figure out what was next....I really didn't know how important it was to Doug to have his own biological child. To me, any child would be mine if I raised it and loved it. I never had a strong desire to HAVE children...I just wanted them. Lots of them. Having this infernal disease was going to make that very difficult.
In May of 2005, after seeking God and lots of prayers on my part, on my friends' parts, my family, etc., I very clearly heard God tell me to "submit to my husband" in the area of the baby. I was like a child dragging their feet..."Fine," I thought.
I told Doug we could try "the old fashioned way" but I would only try for one year, and then we would adopt. I had it so stuck in my mind that I couldn't get pregnant...but there I go again, playing God when I should know better!
We had to start with my neurologist, who gave us the okay after four months of being off my CellCept. I had to go off my anti-depressants (which I very soon had to go on a pregnancy safe one because I was losing my mind). I had to go on a blood pressure medication, start seeing a perinatologist (high risk OB people), and had to go on insulin. The insulin made me gain 20 pounds before I we even started trying, so I was not very happy.
Speaking of high risk, I had all these factors: obviously the MG, I was diabetic, I was 35....three BIG factors in a high risk pregnancy.
Both of my sisters gained like 100 pounds with their pregnancies, and I'm thinking, "I can't even move (I really went downhill off the CellCept)...I'm going to gain 150 pounds." I was nervous, to say the least.
We started trying in October of 2005. I took a test in October, which I shouldn't have, because it was negative, and I was really surprised at how disappointed I was. I still didn't really WANT to be pregnant. I was terrified! And my family thought I was crazy...they were very concerned about my health. In November I got my period before I even thought about testing, so I knew then that I wasn't pregnant.
On December 10, we had a Michigan MG meeting in Dundee, Michigan. Well, in Dundee there is a Cabela's. I love Cabela's. What I didn't know what that it was like Cabela Club Member Day and there were about 420,000 peeople in the store. We didn't even want to walk around, and the lines were to the back of the store. It's a BIIIIIG store... We only needed a few things, so I got in line right away, and Doug went to get the stuff. It didn't help that I was having THE worst case of PMS EVER, and I was ready to kill everyone I looked at. I hate crowds ordinarily, but this was a special kind of hatred. I was supposed to get my period that day, so I was just waiting. I KNEW I couldn't be pregnant because of the PMS from hell.
Well. We got home about 9:30PM, and still no period. I was going to test in the morning, Sunday. I couldn't wait. I just wanted to get it overwith so I didn't wonder all night long. I would cry a little, then go to bed. So I got the test out, peed, and put the stick on the counter.
To my shock, amazement, and utter glee (which I wasn't expecting) a big ol' PLUS sign showed up. I just sat there for a minute. I was actually speechless. For those of you who know me well, that NEVER happens. I brought the stick into the living room where Doug was watching TV. I gave him the stick, and he just looked at it.
He said, "What does this mean?"
And with great delight I replied, "What do you think it means.....Daddy???"
To be continued.....