Yup, you read that right. The GOOD things. Because there are plenty. And instead of whining about my eyes being messed up or my trach hurting or any number of myasthenia related issues that have plagued me, I will tell you some wonderful things I never would have experienced without this illness.
I learned that my husband is a man of strong character. He is faithful, trustworthy, loyal, Godly, a wonderful protector and provider. Six weeks after we were married I was in the hospital on a ventilator. No one knew (except God of course) whether I would live or die. Even though he is a Christian man, he could have just said, "I didn't sign up for this!" But he took his marriage vows seriously, in sickness or in health. He stands by me to this day. I love you honey.
I have met some amazing people that I never would have known without this disease connecting us. Two young ladies in particular, that I have just recently met, that I have connected with...(Their blog links are on my sidebar)...These women are amazing. They are strong. They both work, have families, and still manage this wicked disease. One prays for me. One has the patience of Job and is helping me with computer stuff that I just don't know how to do, AND made my signature and button. I just met her! I love ya girls!!
I learned that I am a lot stronger than I think. I always knew I was STUBBORN (like in the hospital....just too stubborn to die! : ), but I never realized the strength that God had given me. And I wouldn't have if I hadn't gotten MG. It takes a lot more to keep going than it does to give up. Can I get an Amen??? (Joanna get out your hanky, girl, and start wavin'!) : )
I have deepened a few friendships to the point of KNOWING I could call either of these women in the middle of the night, and they would do whatever it took to help me. I can trust them both implicity with my precious child, and that speaks volumes. Joanna, Shawn, thank you. I love you both so much, and you are amazing, godly examples of loving one another. I don't know what I'd do without you!
My relationship with God is on a whole different level than it would have been. He showed me what it means to depend on Him. He has blessed me with things I can't even describe. I was able to share my story with a man who was chronically ill, had given up on God, and just hated life. He wanted to die and was not saved, according to his wife. She and a friend from the church I was attending at the time prayed for him daily. The friend asked me to pray as well. I sent this man a card to let him know I was praying for him. I was later told that when he got my card (I enclosed a picture of my son so he could SEE that miracles happen) he cried. He couldn't believe someone who didn't even know him cared enough to do that. His health did improve for a while, but he ended up passing away. And when he did, he knew the Lord, and was in heaven, praising God. To know that I had ANY teeny part in that, because of what God had given me to deal with....WOW. Every minute of suffering was worth that.
I have learned to appreciate life. I don't get angry like I used to. Quite frankly, I don't have the energy! I'm not nearly as impatient as I was, and things just don't get under my skin. I am in awe of the beauty that surronds me...God's magnificent creation. I really SEE it now, instead of just speeding through life with my head down, nose to the grindstone.
My son takes my breath away. I know I would love my child no matter what...but going through what I had to go through to have him makes me look at him, and just thank God he is in my life. Sometimes I watch him and think, how did I ever live my life without this little boy? He makes my heart just feel like it could burst inside me. It's so full, it's like it just can't hold anymore.
So I'm here to tell you....you may be going through hell right now. You may be thinking, I just CAN'T do this one. more. day. Oh, friends. I have been there. I have shed the tears. I have shaken my fists at God and railed at the heavens. But then those very fists have turned into open palms of praise, thanking God for who He is, and what He has done for me.