Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Angry

Ain't no sunshine here today folks.

I'm angry today, and I don't care who knows it.

I'm angry at this stupid disease.

I'm angry because it's the 32nd day of wicked humidity and heat and crappy weather that makes my body limp as a rag doll and weak as a noodle.

I'm angry because selfish people talk about stupid things that don't matter 10 seconds from now let alone 10 years from now, when there are people suffering all over the world that would give a million dollars to have YOUR "problems."

I'm angry because young lives end too soon.

I'm angry because other people are healthy and take it for granted.  What I wouldn't give for ONE WEEK without MG.  

I'm angry because so many people are rude and judgemental and make me CRAZY with their whining about having nothing to wear or their hair doesn't lay right or they don't like the color of their eyes, while other people literally fight for their lives every single day.  Well try dealing with having to always buy new clothes because your medications and their side effects and a number of other medically related crappy issues make you gain weight over and over and over.  And how about those who are losing or have lost hair because of illness or medication?  And the color of your eyes?  Seriously?

I haven't seen my ankles since April.  And no one seems to be able to tell me why, except that it's the weather, it's the MG, it's the medication, I'm retaining fluid....

You know, I try to be upbeat.  I am usually an 90% optimist and hopey-lovey.  But today I'm just ticked off.  I just want to FEEL GOOD and NOT be in PAIN.  Is that so much to frickin' ask??  I have a doctor's appointment for something "normal" today, and it's going to be a flippin' Herculean effort just to get in the stupid van and go. Thank God I don't have to take Jacob with me.  But first I have to get in the shower.  I don't feel like I have the strength, but I don't really have a choice. (So I guess if you don't here from me for the rest of the day you can call the National Guard and give 'em directions to my place.)

So to whomever reads this (and this is not pointed specifically at any person, just things that I have been noticing recently from all over the place, and today it just overflowed).... Be thankful for what you have, would you please?

2 comments:

The Jammie Girl said...

EXCELLENT POST!! Yes, you are a positive, up-beat person, but it's OK to be angry, it's OK to be sad. It's OK to want to scream and cry and throw things (even if you don't have the energy to actually DO that). Let it out and know there are many of us out here who hear and understand . . . and who are keeping you in our prayers and sending you positive energy to make tomorrow better.

Kim @ Stuff could... said...

We do deserve to be angry! You too...It is Ok