FINALLY, the funk has diffused. Cranky, melancholy Kerri has found her way back to the pit from which she came, and the "real" me is back. **TMI alert** I am going back on the pill. My GP had told me to start thinking about going off of it because I was getting older, and because of the cancer risk OF being older and on BC pills. So I just blindly went off of them...this was also when my very best friend Linda had just been diagnosed with cancer.
Well, let the evil begin. Two weeks of the month I was either bitching or bawling. So yesterday I went online and did some research. Being on the pill actually REDUCES the risk of endometrial and ovarian cancer, and only SLIGHTLY increases the risk of breast cancer (genetics still being #1, and there is none in my family, Praise God!), and slightly increases the risk of cervical cancer, which is the slowest growing of all, and I have regular exams, so anything would be caught super early, and that's good enough for me. I cannot LIVE this way anymore. I'm one of the FEW people who actually do better ON the pill. Anywho.
Okay, now for the second, completely unrelated part of my post. I have heard more than once in the last few weeks, "Does God even really care?" I am here to say, YES, my friends, he does. Do we always understand Him? NO. Not even close. Sometimes not even a little. Do I know why I was hospitalized on my deathbed 6 weeks after I got married? Not really. Do I know why I can't physically have as many kids as I want? Nope. Do I know why my best friend of half my life died a horrible death from cancer? Not a clue. BUT.....it doesn't REALLY matter.
God sent His only Son...and I have an only son, and let me tell ya, I don't think I could do what He did. He knew his Son would suffer unspeakable cruelties. Do you think that was easy for Him just because He was God? Do you think He didn't feel pain? Do you think Jesus's closest friends and family didn't question why? AND THEY ALREADY KNEW WHY! Jesus TOLD them. How much more, then, is it for us to wonder?
Why Haiti? Why starving children in America, the richest country in the world? Why are some precious, promising lives cut short? Why miscarriage? Why birth defects? Why, WHY, WHY?
Again, I do not know. BUT...I Believe in the One who does. Do your children ALWAYS understand why YOU do what you do? And as their parents, don't you always have their best in mind? If you spank your child, do you think that child thinks, "Oh, this is awesome! My mom and dad love me so much they are going to cause me pain so that I can learn valuable, life-protecting habits! Whoo-Hoo!!" Unlikely. They cry. They complain. They may plead. But you do it anyway because you know what's best for them. Discipline.
Now I am NOT saying that all these things happen because we are being disciplined by God. However, I'm sure there are times when they do! I know that I was NOT living a life that God wanted for me before I became ill....and I'm a lot closer now. Was some of that discipline? Could be.
I believe that the Bible is the Real Thing. I believe it is the one absolute truth in this entire, broken, dying world. I believe what God says in it. I believe that "ALL things work together for GOOD for those who love Him." (Romans 8:28) I believe that He is GOOD.
2 Samuel 7:28 "O Sovereign LORD, you are God! Your words are trustworthy, and you have promised these good things to your servant."
1 Chronicles 19:13Be strong and let us fight bravely for our people and the cities of our God. The LORD will do what is good in his sight." *NOTICE this doesn't say the Lord will do what is good in OUR sight!
Job 2:10He replied, "You are talking like a foolish woman. Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?" In all this, Job did not sin in what he said.
Psalm 143:10Teach me to do your will, for you are my God; may your good Spirit lead me on level ground.
Isaiah 52:7How beautiful on the mountains are the feet of those who bring good news, who proclaim peace, who bring good tidings, who proclaim salvation, who say to Zion, "Your God reigns!" *I AM SAYING MY GOD REIGNS!!
Romans 12:2Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.
Philippians 2:13for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose.
It doesn't get much clearer than that for me. It is GOD who works in me to act according to HIS GOOD PURPOSE.
I may not understand, but it's enough for me. I know God is good. His Word tells me so. And when the entire world around me rocks and reels....I am standing on that Word. I invite you to do the same.