Yesterday I experienced one of the most frustrating things about chronic illness. I had someone here watching Jacob. I was dressed. I had my hair done. I had make-up on! I had a vehicle (albeit it was the ginormous truck, not my van, because SOMEbody took my van to work)....and I just wanted to get away.
But I couldn't. The problem is, I take ME wherever I go. Yes, it sounds funny, awkward, whatever, but it's true! I want to go somewhere and just be me, by myself. But it can't happen. That really struck me yesterday and made me kind of sad. It was like, even though I'm feeling better, I can't just take 24 hours for me because I have to pack all of my machines, medication, etc.
When you have a chronic illness, there truly is nothing in your life that stays the same. Some things are so much better...as I wrote about the other day. But some things, no matter how you try to spin it, just plain stink.
I need time to just be alone and do what I want for a day or two...and I'd LOVE for it to not be at my house...but it just doesn't work that way. Frustrating.
BUT...today I get to go to a baby shower, and it's a beautiful day. So we'll just go from there.
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2 comments:
That really does suck to be all ready to go and then realize you can't. I'm so sorry getting away for a few hours didn't work out but I hope the baby shower today was lots of fun!
Cheers :-)
- CoconutPalmDesigns
Sadly the hardest thing about chronic illness is the inability to be spontaneous. Everything we do has to be carefully planned. We can't just "jump" into the car and go!! IS it a cane or walker day, is my neck strong enough, can I even steer the car today?? It's tough to ask yourself these questions each and every time we want to do something "spontaneous"
On a lighter note: HAVE A BLAST AT THE SHOWER!!!!!
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