Today

Today the sun is shining so brightly,
But I cannot go out and play.

Today my husband is home from work,
But I can't do the same things he does.

Today Jacob is out playing with his Daddy,
And that makes my heart happy. I wish I could be there.

Today my eyes are filled with sadness,
But somehow don't overflow.

Today, maybe the tears are dried up
From all the crying done before.

Today my pain is overwhelming.
Physical, real, intense, pain.

Today my heart is heavy because
My pain is jealous and wants all my attention.

Today I had to take my trach out again
Because I couldn't breathe.

Today I scared Jacob because I told him
I might need him to run and get Daddy fast.

And that broke my heart. And now the tears come.

Today the inside of my neck looks like raw hamburger.
The pain is unbelievable.  But that just happens sometimes.


Today I don't want to be here....
So I thank God that tomorrow is another day.


Tomorrow may be better.


So I hang on....


To the One Who Knows.