In Real Life

I have occasionally participated in Five Minute Fridays with the Gypsy Mama...I'm a day late, but I'm going to do it anyway, because the topic intrigued me, and immediately a million thoughts flew through my mind.  The topic is "in real life."  Five minutes, no editing, no erasing, just writing.

START:

In real life I am a mom, a wife, a sister, a friend, an aunt, a great-aunt, a child of God, a writer, a scrapbooker, a jewelry maker and a patient.  Not PATIENT, A patient.  As in medical patient. While I try to do what I can and then some, while I try to ignore who I am, I cannot.

That's me, in real life.  I WANT to be different.  I want to be healthy and have 6 kids and homeschool them all and go to the park and climb hills and breathe well every breath.

But that's NOT me, in real life.

In real life I have to contend with 
bills,
appointments,
a 5 year old who doesn't always understand sickness,
judgement,
budgets,
doctors,
medications,
side effects,
cooking,
cleaning,
laundry,
and trying to live every day to show God's love and hope.

In real life I get sad and depressed and wonder why.  I try not to dwell, but in the realest of realities it's impossible not to wonder.  Not to say, "if only..."

But instead, I CHOOSE to say, "Even if:"

EVEN IF I am not healed this side of heaven, I will praise the Lord.
EVEN IF I am never in remission from this hideous disease, my life will go on.
EVEN IF people laugh at me for struggling, I will forgive.
EVEN IF I have an incurable disease, I WILL also have incurable HOPE.
EVEN IF I have limitations and weaknesses, I will choose to live STRONG.
EVEN IF I need help and no one comes, I will still help others.

In real life, it's about how you act.  It's about what you DO that really matters.  You can spout trite cliches and tell people you're sorry and that you're praying for them, but what are your actions saying?  In real life, that's what matters.

STOP

Five-Minute Fridays

Okay....so I'm giving the "real" 5-Minute Friday thing a chance. If nothing else, you can use this to check out The Gypsy Momma. She is an extraordinary writer. So. The rules are simple. You write for five minutes on the topic that The Gypsy Momma gives you. No editing, no re-writing, no overthinking, just unadulterated writing. Then link up to her site, and give props to the person ahead of you.

Today's topic is.....

Every Day.....

START

Every day I wake up and I still have MG. I still have a disease that has a name, but no cure. It has a name, but it's not MY name. I am NOT my disease.

Every day I wake up and I see the sleepy blue eyes of my precious son and wonder: is today the day? Is today the day he will say he's tired of having a sick Mommy?

Every day I wonder what challenges will come. I wonder if my husband and I will have a fight over what I can and cannot do. I wonder how the weather will effect my health. I wonder if my medication will keep working.

Every day I thank God that I woke up, (well, to be completely frank, MOST days!) that I have another day on this planet with my family.

Every day I see my little boy get bigger and older and wiser and smarter and I feel sad and happy at the same time. I'm so thrilled he's growing and happy and healthy. But I will never be able to hold him in one arm and sit for hours holding him and just staring into his curious blue eyes. Eyes so blue you could get lost in them.

Every day is a new day. A new start. But yet for me it is somehow the same. I still have a disease that will never go away until God decides to heal me. Which I indeed know He will....it just doesn't mean it will be on this side of heaven. But I will be free one day. And that leads to Hope.

Every day I have Hope. I know that my Redeemer lives. I know that there is a God and He loves me and He can use anything, even a wretched disease for His glory.

Every day I Hope that I am a willing vessel that He can use to reach, encourage, support or inspire someone.

STOP