This wonderful article was written by Karlton Douglas. It was posted on the Rest Ministries website (www.restministires.com) and is used with the author's permission.
About the Author: Karlton lives in Ohio with his lovely wife. Affliction has led
to many failed expectations, but the Lord delivers him from them all.
“When she saw her hope unfulfilled, her expectation gone, she
took another of her cubs and made him a strong lion.” (Ezekiel 19:5)
In the expectations game everyone loses when it comes to living with
an illness. We can become discouraged and depressed when we find our
hopes dashed, when we have a few “good days” and expect them to last,
only to be knocked flat again by affliction a short time later.
Expectations can create all sorts of problems between spouses and
friends and family. We say we will do something, or make plans ahead of
time to go to some event, only to have our hopes dashed and the injury
multiplied by disappointing those close to us. And the situation is not
improved by those who have little understanding or willingness to accept
such disappointment.
We cannot control the reactions of others. If grown people act like
immature children because the stars do not always align perfectly for
them, there is little we can do about it. If people have short memories,
forgetting the good days God has blessed them with, and are only
willing to focus on disappointments, we can’t make them broaden their
vision to see the entire picture, one with blessings and
disappointments–it’s called life.
The rain often follows sunny days, the seasons of life and the
seasons of our illness change. It is wonderful to see the sun shining
after so many rainy days, and how wonderful it is when the Lord blesses
us with improvements in our circumstances after a difficult period. But
though we may try to see and accept these situations philosophically,
others may ignore the good things and only focus on the half-empty glass
in front of them.
It can be painful when friends and family turn away from us because
of our afflictions. It is astounding that when we need friends and
family the most they can shun us, react with anger, resentment,
childishness, just as we are already under the pressure of flaring
illness and pain. I think this may be the worst thing about illness,
worse than the pain and suffering of the illness itself.
One angry person is “mad.” Two angry people is “madness.”
I have often found that a very challenging part of my illness is not
to return anger for anger. When my illness crushes expectations in
others, and they react with anger, it can be a herculean task not to
lash right back with my own anger and frustration. After all, I not only
have the worsening illness to deal with and its disappointment, but
also a “two-year-old” adult who is taking their anger out on me on top
of everything else. I suspect I’m not alone in facing the madness of
disappointed expectations.
I have learned over the years to take my frustrations and
disappointments to God. Occasionally it may help to discuss how I’m
feeling with others, but when the others are part of my frustration, it
can very much be like reasoning with two-year-olds. Some people, despite
their age, are not very mature, and you cannot reason with such people.
The best you can do is pray that the Lord will help these people to
wise up, grow up, and that God will give you the strength and patience
to deal with such people as best you can.
It is very sad that on top of the weight of affliction and illness
the afflicted must also deal with unmet expectations of others.
Sometimes we must face our own frustrations over the bad turn of
circumstances, but by far the hardest thing is to deal with the
frustrations others thrust at us because we do not meet their
unreasonable expectations. Sometimes I almost feel that I should wear
the following sign:
I am someone living with an illness.
I will, to the best of my ability, try to live up to your expectations, but sometimes I will not meet them.
Because, as the first line says: I am someone living with an illness.
I will, to the best of my ability, try to live up to your expectations, but sometimes I will not meet them.
Because, as the first line says: I am someone living with an illness.
Prayer: Dear Lord, frustrations abound in our lives because
of afflictions, and disappointment, especially coming from others, is
very hard to bear. Help us, Lord, to be patient in affliction. Amen.
