Just Another Monday

That's about it.  Just another Monday for me. 

Thought I'd be going crazy sending invoices and packaging orders.  Not so much.

Thought I'd be getting pheresis tomorrow....Not so much.  Jacob has a cold.  So now I have to reschedule everything.

Doug was having a fit yesterday over how cluttered and crappy the house looked.  So he cleaned his fool head off.  Yay for that.  But then I get the feeling (quite clearly) that I need to "keep up" with him.  And I can't.  And I get mad.  And he gets mad.

So I'm exhausted.  I took a shower this afternoon after I cleaned the bathroom...the magazine rack in there was a nightmare....dusty, nasty, all old crumpled magazines.  So I went through all those, put them in the burn box, vacuumed the bathroom, mudroom, dining and living rooms.  I can't lift my arms anymore.

And then I get the most beautiful gift.  An MG friend of mine sent me a notebook to keep all my medical information in.  It has all these tabs, and she even put paper in it.  And the front had my name on it in sticky foam letters, and it's amazing! And tucked in the front pocket was an awesome pair of Christmas snowflake socks!  What a blessing.  And what perfect timing.  Cuz here I was all feelin' sorry for myself, and then Doug says the mail is here.  I see advertisement after advertisement... everything junk mail, and then...One big envelope.  With my name on it. From Kimberly. 

So thank you my dear friend.  Thank you for your thoughtfulness.  And thank you God, for letting me know that there ARE people out there that I am important to.  I needed to know that today.

Swimming Upstream

That's me.  Swimming upstream.  Going against the flow.  Fighting my way through.  It gets SO. OLD.  But I can't stop....not when I know what I'm doing is right.  So it puts me in the grave early...what else is there to do?  Compromise what I believe because no one has my back?  I know I'm being a bit ambiguous, and I'm sorry for that.....there's just a situation that I can't really COMPLETELY discuss because if the wrong person reads it, my life will only get MORE difficult.

Anyway.  It just seems like everything is a fight.  Trying to raise my child the right way.

Homeschooling.  I'm "this" close to sending Jacob to school, but I just CAN'T.  Not just the germs (if I didn't have the trach I MIGHT consider a charter school) but I'll just get sick and it will be crappier than it is now. I am just getting over pneumonia from a cold Jacob picked up and gave to me.  He's so smart....he would be bored out of his mind.  But it's just not healthy to be around your child 24/7/365.  Maybe I'm just selfish.

Isolation.  Feeling alone in every way.  Emotionally.  Physcially, for sure.  Mentally.  Spiritually.  Parenting.  Discipline. It's tough right now, let me tell ya.  Add running a business and chronic illness....and welcome to my life.

I know other people have it much worse.  MUCH worse.  There are a few people in some of my MG groups online who are MUCH sicker than I am, and have other horrifying personal things going on.  I know that I have to keep my chin up.  But lately it seems like every time I try to stick that chin up, I just get a swift right uppercut. 

{Sigh.}  Jesus told us that in this life we would have trouble.  I just didn't know it would be so painful.

And that's another "upper" post from me...sorry...just gets old having to always think of someone worse off than you to make you feel better.