Being Thankful On Purpose

There are times in everyone's lives when you just plain have a bad day.  Even if things are going well, and you're feeling good... sometimes you still have a crappy attitude. (And when I say "you" I mean "me" too!)  So I'm challenging myself, and you, to be thankful on purpose. I have SO much to be thankful for, that sometimes I need to remind myself. 

1. I am thankful that God's mercies are new every morning. NO matter how badly I screw up, He will forgive, truly forget, and start every new day with a clean slate. That needs to be number one on EVERYONE'S thankful list.

2. I am thankful that we have a wood burner, and don't have to pay almost $4.00 a gallon for fuel oil to heat our house. I'm thankful we have woods all around us and don't have to pay for wood. I am thankful that Doug is able to get all the wood we need for winter without paying someone else to get it. Praise God!

3. I am thankful that my husband is a Christian man, has a good job, is hard working, faithful, trustworthy, loving, a wonderful provider and a great dad. (He's awfully cute too!)

4. I am thankful I have a beautiful, healthy, smart, loving, busy, crazy, amazing, gregarious, precocious, full-of-life son, when I thought I never could. Miracles happen, folks.  I'm living proof.

5. I am thankful for the friends that I have that I know I can count on for WHATever, WHENever. Thank you for letting me know that I can depend on you, call you in the middle of the night (only for an emergency, I promise!)…I love you and appreciate you more than you can know.

6. I am thankful I have a computer, and internet, because it allows me to keep in touch with everyone I love.

7. I am thankful for music. It moves me like nothing else can.

8. I am thankful that although I have health issues, I can see and hear. I can walk, and talk, maybe not perfectly, but I can.  I'm so, so, so thankful for the IonCleanse.  It has given me my life back.  Thank you, Lord!!

9. I am thankful that this life is not all we have. That when the time comes, I will be in the presence of God Almighty, and I long to hear "Well done, good and faithful servant." I will be whole again. There will be no more night. No more pain. No more tears. Hallelujah! I will be reunited with those gone before, and meet fellow Christian friends I have not had the privilege to meet in this lifetime.

10. I am thankful for YOU, yes you!  The one who is taking the time to read my words.  I am thankful you read this, and I want you to know you are loved.

May we all find something we are thankful for today. I'd love to hear what YOU'RE thankful for...leave a comment!

¹ Come, let us sing for joy to the Lord;
    let us shout aloud to the Rock of our salvation.
² Let us come before him with thanksgiving
    and extol him with music and song.

³ For the Lord is the great God,
    the great King above all gods.

Psalm 95:1-3

Grieving

MG sucks. I mean, that's the plain and simple truth.  It sucks the life out of your physical body.  It sucks your energy.  It drains your stamina and health, and ability to do things you used to be able to do without thinking.  Like breathing. Or sleeping on your stomach and drooling all over the pillows.  Or sleeping on your back and having crazy dreams. 

Or multi-tasking.  That is so frustrating.  Before MG, especially when I was working, I could be on the phone with a driver, answer a different driver on the radio, be typing in a pick-up, and listen to the conversation at the window and be able to answer the question before it was asked of me.  Now the only multi-tasking I can do is sneeze, burp, fart and pee all at the same time.

And I have this killer cold.  And it literally could be a killer if I'm not careful.  Doug is coming home early today to take care of me thank God, because there is NO WAY I can take care of myself let alone me and Jacob!

I have to walk around clutching my cell phone in case I fall, and then pray it doesn't go flying across the room if I do.  Every time I go up and down the stairs it's an exercise of faith, for sure.

There's just so much that is different.

But my faith is different too.  And my attitude (most of the time...)  I do not sweat the small stuff, to be sure.  I used to be so impatient and worry about everything.  Worry takes on a whole new meaning when you go from "how does my hair look" to "am I going to live to see my son graduate?"

So a friend challenged me through her blog (Pitterle Postings...go check it out) to write 5 things I'm thankful for every day. So:

1. I am thankful that I can hear.
2. I am thankful I have an adorable, loving, giving, thoughtful, precious, crazy smart child.
3. I am thankful that when I die I know I will go to heaven and never feel pain or be sick or cry again.
4. I am thankful that my husband loves me and is faithful to me and takes care of me.
5. I am thankful for the internet and all of the amazing, truly genuine friends I have made on it.

Your turn.  What are you thankful for??

We're Not Talking Thankful....

We're talking over-the-moon, pure, all-encompassing, infinite, shut-my-mouth HAPPY. Happy happy happy happy happy. I'm happy. I'M HAPPY!!!!

{If any one you remember the seagull in the Little Mermaid, where he grabs Sebastian (the little crab) and goes eyeball to eyeball and says, "Do you hear what I'm saying to you?!?!" and shakes him like crazy.....THAT'S how I'm writing this!}

I want to grab every single one of you and make you look at me eyeball to eyeball so I can say, "Do you hear what I'm saying???" I AM HAPPY!

Now there's a total difference between happiness and being joy. I can still have joy in a hospital bed, because I know that when the Good Lord is ready, He is coming back to take me up to heaven, and I will be perfect there. NOTHING takes my joy.

But happy is a whole different ballgame. I cannot say I have felt really, honestly, purely HAPPY like this in.....sadly, I can't remember when. I'm downright giddy.

* I slept 7 hours straight last night. I didn't wake up or get up once. Not even to go potty. If I did, I don't remember, which is just as good as not waking at all. Can I tell you the last time that happened? NOPE. Probably 1989 or something.

* Yesterday, I drove myself 45 miles to my mom's house where I got to see my mom and dad on their anniversary, my niece on her birthday, and both of my sisters and one great-niece (I hate saying that because a great aunt is a blue-haired old lady in my mind's eye) all in one day. AND it was almost 90 degrees there. AND I sat in the garage (garage sale, not some form of self-torture) for over an hour chatting before I wilted and had to go in. But then I made a quick recovery. I drove home MYSELF 3 1/2 hours later, and drove home without incident.

* When I got HOME, after resting for about an hour or so in the house with my feet up, I was able to go outside, down to the pond, to see my precious baby's tadpole collection. We have them in all stages you know. "Two-legs, four-legs, and hoppers." THEN I walked to the barn (with the van key so Doug could drive down and bring me back up to the house since I knew there was NO WAY I could get up the incline back to the house after being outside for 30 minutes in 95 degrees (Yes, I said 95!), right?) I even went into. the. barn. Yes, that part was temporary insanity. My barn and my basement are two places I'd rather not EVER go in. But Jacob wanted me to see him feed the cows, and Doug wanted me to see the hay he put up. {As I'm saying that I'm hearing my brother (who never reads my blog, A-HEM) laugh his fool head off.}
Well, you know what? I. Walked. Back. Up. To. The. House. I had to stop twice, but I did it. Then up the concrete stairs from the pit of hell up the door, and up the 7 steps into the house.

THEN after resting again I gave Jacob a bath!

SHUT.
UP.

Let me just TRY to put this in perspective for you "normal" people. Wait a minute, who do I know that's normal??? You HEALTHY people.

Having SIX days in a row, where I did pretty much everything I wanted to do, and MORE, then sleeping 7 hours straight last night, waking up at 6:13 A. freakin' M. with no headache, feeling great...the odds of that happening are about the same as you winning the lottery, getting hit by lightning and walking on the moon all in six days.

For me to do what has happened this week....It should have been impossible. It's BEEN impossible for SIX YEARS. SIX years. That's 2,190 days. GLORY TO GOD. GLORY!!!

I'm not saying this can continue...if fact, I need to settle my hiney down before I end up relapsing. But I'm not sure you can really understand what this feels like...I want to shout from the mountaintops. It's like I've found the holy grail of treatment timing, location, etc. I even cut back on my Prednisone from 5mg every day to 5, 2 1/2 every other day. May not sound like much, but even that much has already helped my blood sugar. Prednisone is the devil. If there was something worse I could think of than the devil, it would be prednisone.

Anyway. Thank you for allowing me to verbally hemorrhage. Praise God it's going to be another amazing day. I am so blessed.

Why I Am Thankful For MG

What a crazy title, right? But seriously, as I was heating up my breakfast (don't ask...I eat weird things for breakfast) I was thinking how blessed I really am. SO....without further ado:

Why I Am Thankful For MG

1. I got to learn right away that my husband was a man of integrity and character. We were married for six weeks before I went into the hospital, and he could have so easily said, "not for me." But he didn't. He stayed. And I love him for that, and so much more.

2. I have had the opportunity to hear doctors who were not men of faith, tell me I was truly a miracle for being alive. That there was no medical reason, other than Someone wanted me to live.

3. I have had the blessing of sharing my story and sharing the Power of Almighty God. There truly IS no medical reason I should be alive, yet here I am. (Like it or not!) This includes the miraculous birth of my precious son, whom I never should have been able to conceive, let alone carry to term.

4. I have met some of the strongest, most amazing people with illnesses like MG and others. These men and women support me, encourage me, pray for me, and genuinely care about me. Many live far away, but they are like family. I know that I can depend on these people to be there for me emotionally, because they "get" me.

5. I have had the sometimes dubious distinction of finding out how much I really mean to people. Some stepped up, and some stepped out. Over 11 years of illness, I have lost many friends. But were they really friends in the first place? The good thing about being ill, is that if you have the same people by your side before AND after, you know you've got the real thing.

6. I am SO thankful for ministry opportunities that God is opening up for me right from my own home. It is obvious that the church (generally speaking) is sorely unprepared for dealing with people with chronic illness. If I can help someone else by anything I can do or say, I will be thrilled to pieces.

7. As weird as it may sound, I don't worry nearly as much as I used to. I used to worry about everything. But when you get sick, things change. Priorities change. Things that used to consume me don't even register on the radar anymore. God has everything under control, and it took a LOT for me to understand that. But now that I'm there, it's a beautiful thing.

8. I have seen the graciousness of people that I have "known" but not really KNOWN. The obvious examples are Kerry and Karen, who give up a day of their week, EVERY week, to come to my house. They help around the house, they help with Jacob, they lift my spirits, they make meals for my family....they love me. And I love them. My new "old" friend Linda, who has coordinated care for me and made many meals herself...who has talked me off the ledge....

9. I have always been a Christian as far as I can remember...but now I know what it is like to be a Child of God. There is a difference.

10. I have grown emotionally and spiritually in ways that never could have happened without being ill. I mean, nothing is impossible with God, but He knew what it would take to REALLY get my attention, and bless me in ways I never could have been blessed as a healthy "me." I would have SO gotten in the way.

I know I don't feel like this every day, but I really wouldn't change a thing. I know so many amazing people now. AMAZING. And I am just plain BLESSED.

Thankful

I don't feel especially thankful today. I'm pretty darn crabby. Woke up that way. Coffee didn't help. Karen and Kerry helped...after I blubbered my brains out. Dealing with a lot of personal stuff that really doesn't have to do with my health (shocker) on TOP of all my health crap. Just have days where it's overload. So I decided to list some things I'm thankful for, like I used to.

1. I'm thankful that all of my senses, although not perfect, work. I can see and hear and smell and touch and taste. For that, I am grateful.

2. Kerry and Karen have been coming every Tuesday unless someone is sick. They bring food every time. (Meals). Next week they are coming their "normal" Tuesday, then Thursday they are bringing out their hairstylist to do my hair...cut, color, everything! Then SATURDAY they're coming to pick me up for a baby shower. I am SO thankful for these two women in my life. Love you girls!!!! (Emma too!)

3. I'm thankful that my niece's hubby got home safely from overseas and got to spend time with his family.

4. I'm thankful I have a healthy, brilliant, adorable, precocious child whom I love with all my heart.

5. I'm thankful that I'm not allowed to carry a concealed weapon. 'Nuff said.

Being Thankful

Well, now to counter-act yesterday's icky, whiny post. It's all still true, but ridiculous nonetheless. I have SO much to be thankful for!



1. My God. He loves me even when I do act like a 2 year old spoiled child. And I'm so thankful that He does. Cuz it happens waaay more than it should!



2. My husband. He is a Christian, he is a man of character, and he is the hardest worker I know. He is a wonderful provider, husband and Daddy.



3. My friends. Though they may be few and far between, they are the BEST!! {Joanna, I LOVE YOU!!!}

4. My computer. And therefore, my internet friends! I am blessed to have just recently met a few more wonderful ladies through the "giraffe tribe" via SITS. They are kind and love the Lord and have been a great encouragement to me. Then there are my "old" interpeeps...from New Jersey (via Dallas) Belize, California, New Hampshire, Florida....and everywhere in between. I am so thankful for this darn computer. I'm not very technologically savvy, but it keeps me connected to people I love.

5. My precious, precious child. Jacob has made me a better person. A better friend, woman, wife and daughter. He has helped me realize how very much God must love me, because I love that child more than I thought possible to love another human being. And I'm SO imperfect. And God, and His Love, are SO perfect!

Thanks for the comments and keeping me encouraged guys....most days my blog, e-mail and facebook are the only "people" I interact with. (Thank God I don't' have a webcam yet...or I'd have to start doing my makeup!)

May you all have a BLESSED weekend.
Love to you all.

True Thankfulness

Matthew 25: 40 “Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did it for one of these brothers of Mine, even the least of them, you did it unto Me.”

I saw a show on TV the other day called I Survived. (I love this show...it's story after story of people who beat the odds and survive the most dangerous, horrible, unimaginable circumstances.)

This particular episode had a story about a missionary in Haiti. He was from California. He lived in Haiti at least 6 months out of the year, running an organization that helped the needy (pretty much 90% of the population in Haiti). He worked with people in the slums, in the ghettos, and in the gangland.

One night he was driving through some gang territories to bring a small child to an airport to get him to the United States for eye surgery that would save his vision, possibly his life. Suddenly gunfire broke out all around him. He himself was shot, although the child was uninjured.

He was being kidnapped for ransom. The gang members asked for $300,000. The missionary had to laugh; he tried explaining he was a missionary, his organization had no money! Eventually he was released for $3000.00, and was able to bring the child to the US for surgery.

I saw how these people lived. I saw the cardboard shanties and the nasty water. Now, especially, after the horrible earthquake and cholera outbreak, these people definitely qualify as "the least of these."

But you don't have to go to Haiti to find the least of these. Look around you.

The woman whose husband just walked out on her and their children, leaving her a single mom working 3 jobs to keep her children fed and clothed.

The soldier's wife, raising a baby alone while her husband is overseas.

The homeless man you pass on the street every day on your way to work. Have you ever really seen him?

The elderly man with no family left. No one to visit him. No one to cheer him up in the old folk's home.

The chronically ill. Those who can't leave their homes without help. The shut-in. The ill. The imprisoned.

What you do (or don't do) to these, you do unto the LORD Himself.

Please be mindful of all we have to be thankful for, and reach out to someone who may need YOU to be Jesus with skin on.

Thankful

I have much to be thankful for always, but these last few days have been awesome!

Thursday, my mom and sister Lori came to clean my living room and dining room. And I mean CLEAN. Like wash the curtains-wash the windows clean! What a blessing. My poor sister was already having an allergy attack BEFORE she got to my house, which is an allergen-impregnated monstrosity.

THEN, my mom took Jacob home with her to spend the night. Jacob was so excited. We were supposed to go to Ann Arbor yesterday, but I was feeling about 70%, and I didn't want to go back to about 15%, so we're waiting a week. But my mom took Jacob anyway. He had a blast.

Doug and I finally used a gift card we had from Christmas and went to the Grillhouse (for those of you not from around here, it's been featured on the Travel Channel). Then we got home and watched a movie on the big screen that we couldn't watch if Jacob had been home. Usually we have to watch these on our 7" portable DVD player in Ann Arbor!

Then Friday, Doug called to see if I wanted to go out for lunch, and to Pamida and Rite Aid (had some coupons and 2 Pamida gift certificates for $10.00 each). So we did, and what would have cost us $40.51, we paid $6.08 for. IIIII know! That's a savings of $34.43. Crazy!

So anyway. It's been a great couple of days, and between Shawn, Doug and my parents, I have been able to get the rest I needed to get over this stupid sinus infection. I was still at about 70% of my normal yesterday, but today I'm hoping for a little more. We shall see!

OH! And best of all!!! My sister's husband Phil FINALLY got a new tool and die job! He's been driving a milk tanker truck for over a year. Not great money, and NO insurance. We have been praying and praying and praying. I don't understand God's timing, but he has a job again, with insurance, and Lori and Willie will finally be able to go back to the doctor and get some much needed allergy medicine!

So....just when I get to the point where I feel God had been silent for SOOO long...He showers me and my family with blessing. Don't give up. YOUR day is coming soon.

Letter to God

Dear God,

The sunshine this week was really cool. Thanks for that. Made lots of people happy. Thanks that my back is getting better, and my cold didn't get too bad either...You know how scary it is for me when I get sick. I know I need to trust You more in that area!

I guess what I really wanted to talk to you about is Jacob. God, that little boy can make my heart sing, dance, and break all at the same time. I look at him and think, how did this precious, innocent little being come out of the likes of me? But then I remember how YOU see me. That in Your eyes, I am beautiful and precious too. That You chose me. That You love me with a love that I'll never remotely understand.

But God, when I look at Jacob, and when I see him with someone else, specifically another mom, who is "normal" health-wise, who can pick him up and tickle him, and twirl him, or get down on the floor with him and play like most parents do....Oh, Lord. It's then that my heart just aches. Will that ever go away? I want so much for him. I know You do too, because He is your child even more than he is mine.

While I am so grateful for the amazing people you have seen fit to put in my life to help me...O, God, what would I do without them? I am truly so thankful....and yet my stupid pride is so jealous God. I don't want to be envious. I really, really don't. But lately it's become a real problem. I'm so envious of other people's health. I'm so jealous of what other people can do with MY son. I want to be doing those things with Jacob, Lord! I want to be throwing him up in the air and running around with him on my back giving him horsie rides...sitting on the floor and playing cars, or dinosaurs, or having elephant battles. But instead I feel trapped. Trapped up on the couch in this broken vessel, Lord. This worn out body. Looking into those big beautiful blue eyes and having to let him down once again because "Mommy can't."

Please help me with my attitude God. I so just want to be thankful for these wonderful people who help me out, PERIOD. I don't want the "but I wish I..." part. I don't want the negative feelings about myself and my illness. There is nothing I can do about it until you decide to heal me. Whether that's this side of heaven or not, I know that's not something You're gonna tell me right now. And I'm good with that. I just need Your help with a few other things then...like helping me to be content with what I AM able to do. Help me to focus on the positive in my life Lord, because there really is so much.

Thanks God. Thanks for always being there and listening, and always having my best interests at heart whether I even realize it or not. And most of all, thank you for the priceless gift of my son, Jacob. My life would never have been the same without him God. He is amazing. Thanks again.
Love,
Your daughter Kerri

Thankful Thursday

NEED I SAY MORE???

Attitude Check

Pardon me while I think out loud for a minute here. It's about time I list things I'm thankful for, because right now, I honestly would rather go into a corner and feel sorry for myself. My frustration level last night was about 90%...I have so much in my brain that I want to be doing. After all, my brain is still "normal." My mind is the same (well, ALMOST) as it was 15 years ago before I got sick. And it simply WILL NOT COOPERATE with my broken body. It refuses to accept, once and for all, that this illness has changed me. ALL of me.

I'm not sure how you can live with something for 15 years and not accept it. It's like every day I wake up, my brain just firing away at all of the things I want to do...and then it hits me again. "I can't" never used to be in my vocabulary; now it is necessary. I don't REALLY wish I had had MG my whole life, because I've done lots of cool things...but it's SO hard to lose something as vital as your independence.

Anyway:

I AM THANKFUL
* that God loves me whether I am able bodied or ill, and as Jacob would say, "He loves us even when we're naughty."

*that my husband has taken care of me for our entire marriage, that he has stood by me whether on the mountaintop (literally) or in the hospital bed

*that my son is healthy and smart and beautiful inside and out, that on my worst day, he can look at me with those adoring, big blue eyes and say, "I love you Mommy" and everything is right in the world again

*for friends who truly love me, who help me when I need it, and encourage me

*for pastors and laypeople who call to check on me and see how I am doing

*for my family, parents, sisters, brother, nieces and nephews, in-laws...I am blessed to have them

*for our first family vacation only 35 days away!!!

*for technology that allows me to keep in touch with people I would otherwise never talk to

*for my husband's stable job!!!

*for soldiers who willingly sacrifice everything for my freedom---God bless you and your families!

*for people who read my blog and encourage me with lovely comments! : ) (Sorry, couldn't help myself!)

God Bless everyone reading this...may 2010 be YOUR best year!