{Sigh}

Hey all.

I have not been in a good place the last several days.  Weeks, maybe?  Months?  Ever since the coughing-up-of-the-blood for a month, and pneumonia, all while trying to maintain my sanity while raising a very inquisitive, extremely bright, crazy active, exuberant-ALL-boy only child who thinks Mommy has nothing better to do than be his playmate.... 

I'm trying so hard to stay "upbeat."  I mean, I'm not trying to be fake... {please, those of you who know me know I don't do fake...not in my genetic code}.  I'm just trying really, really hard to count my blessings and stay focused on all the good things in my life. 

Can I just tell you what a challenge it's been?  UN-real. The only way that I could even BEGIN to manage everything I do is if I give up everything that I LOVE that doesn't necessarily impact Doug and Jacob....like my jewelry.  And my writing.  And my blog.  And facebook.  My social networking ability is my LIFELINE.  Literally.  There have been times when I have been "this close" to just throwing in the towel.  And it wasn't my husband or family that brought me out of the pit.  It was my friends on facebook and friends from my blog... people with whom I have bonded MORE than family. 

And I WILL. NOT. GIVE. THAT. UP.  I won't.

So I have to just soldier on and suck it up.  Not a perfect way to live, to be sure....but it's the only way I know how to survive right now.  Yup.  Definitely in survival mode. Just. Keep. Moving.

If I didn't think I'd have a breakdown, I'd beg to be committed! (Yeah, think on that one for a while...)

It's Official...I'm Insane

photo courtesy of google images moodyncheeky

Like I don't have enough to do, right? Oy vey!  I'm not Yiddish either, but whatevah.

So I went and signed up for NaNoWriMo.  Mm-Hmm.  I've GOT to get to work on my book, and this just might be the inspiration/accountability I need. Or, it may officially drive me over the edge.  It's a toss-up, really.

I may have to give up something...I don't know what....But I won't have any treatments in the month of November, and the only thing I DO have that is time consuming (other than living my life with MG, raising and homeschooling my son, running my new jewelry business, taking care of the house, cooking, cleaning, being a wife, etc.) is my craft show on November 19.

So yeah.  What IS NaNoWriMo other than really hard to say and type?  A grassroots organization that helps authors get books written.  I've seen other people do it, and I don't know ALL that much about it yet except that you write like a madman (or woman if you must be "PC") for 30 days and do word counts every day and people support you and cheer you on and rah rah rah.  So we'll see.

So tell me if this is realistic:
*writing a book
*raising and homeschooling a very active 5 year old
*being a wife and housekeeper/homemaker/heartbreaker...oh, wait, that's Pat Benatar...
*running my own business which involves painstaking labor and lots of it
*blogging as much as possible (at least 5 days a week)
*keeping track of the budget, bills, expenses, etc.
*trying to keep up communication with those I love
*daily quiet time with God

I think I'm I'm up for it.

What's that?  Who is bellowing with evil laughter?
It's not me.....I don't think....

Crazy Is As Crazy Does.....

So. If you question yourself about being crazy, does that mean you have the presence of mind to differentiate between crazy and sane, so you're not really crazy? Or does it mean, yup, you're pretty much nuts, so just embrace it. Always wondered about that.

I guess I just embrace it. Always been a little bit of crazy in me. Oh come on, you know there is in you too. Life would be FAR too boring without a little bit of insanity.

So as some of you know , I popped a rib out with my coughing from this ridiculous cold, and from being beat up in the truck in Florida. So my precious child is at my in-laws...he stayed over night last night, and he's staying again tonight. One part of me is whooping it up (immobiley, of course, since I cannot walk!) because I am the ONLY.PERSON.IN.MY.HOUSE. I can do what I want, when I want (well, sort of. I can sit where I want and watch or read or listen to what I want). But just to be able to catch up on computer stuff and reading! Oh, sweet bliss!!

And then 10 seconds later I'm bawling because I miss my baby. We are just never apart, which is why the above paragraph was written. I simply can't take care of him right now...I am barely keepin up with myself. Stairs are terrible. I couldn't do anything but get frustrated with him, and he'd have no fun here, and I KNOW he's having fun with Grandma and Grandpa and their dog Lucy. They go for walks...He's having a blast. But the Mommy guilt sucks.

He called last night because he wanted to talk to me. He said "I love you Mommy" about 6 times. That tiny, sweet voice in my ear...I thought I was going to melt right there. I know I need the rest, and I know he's better off. I just have to keep busy so I don't dwell on it. I need this rest and relaxation, icing my back, etc.

Anywho. My back is still reeeaaalllly sore, and I am still fighting this cold, so I can use all the rest that I can get. And it will be just that much sweeter when I see him in another day. Mommy loves you my precious boy!!!

All Things Are NOT Created Equal

Okay. There are a few things in this world that are simply NOT the same. For example, zip lock bags. (I know, you thought I was going to get all philosophical on ya!) There are some ziplock baggies that are IMPOSSIBLE to open! The plastic of the bag is so cheap and flimsy that IT breaks before the ziplock seal does! Makes me want to scream.

Meijer USED to have good ones. But they must have changed theirs, because they are now the same crap as the other cheaper brands. So it's GLAD for me from now on. I've had too much food ruined because bags have split open, not to mention the mess when Jacob is eating a snack out of a plastic bag and the bottom rips out. Ug. I know part of it is my MG, because my grip is ridiculous sometimes, but come on. Why can't they just ALL BE THE SAME, and we wouldn't have this issue???

Another thing that drives me nuts is the set-up of left turn lane traffic lights. Okay, so maybe I'm the only one who is annoyed almost beyond words about this: Why do SOME traffic lights go from blinking red to GREEN, and others (that could be a mile down the road!) go from blinking red to RED? How stupid! They need to ALL be the same, and I'll bet it would prevent some of the accidents that happen at these intersections. Makes me CRAZY.

Oh, here's another one....it used to drive me more crazy when I was working and used number keypads all the time. Why are the 1, 2, and 3 on the BOTTOM of number pads on the keyboard, and on calculators, but on the TOP of the telephone? Same numbers. Different order. WHY???

Okay, so before you call me Monk, or call the men in the white suits and the padded wagons... I do realize that SOME things are good different....namely people. If we were all the same, life would be pretty darn boring. Unless you were like me. : ) Then it would just be CRAZY!

So maybe if all of us OCD people write our Congressmen something can be done.

Yah. I don't really think so either.