Acceptance?

Ug.

This past Sunday was wonderful and terrible at the same time. (Before I forget, NEVER get a Splenda smoothie. Oh. My. Gosh. I about puked.)

Doug and I had a bunch of errands to run. We dropped Jacob off and Grandma and Grandpa's house so we could get around a bit easier. It was hot and humid, and our air conditioning in the car works sometimes, sometimes not. Thank the Good Lord it was working Sunday!!

We had to go to Costco, (my fave!) and get Doug a suit for a presentation he has at a conference he's attending in August. (That's a whole separate post.) We had to get our rings cleaned...my wedding ring was HORRIBLE!! Doug had to get some cell phone accessories at the mall, and we were going to Famous Dave's to eat.

WELL. We go to Famous Dave's because we have a restaurant.com gift certificate. We get there and there's a sign on the door that says: "We no longer accept restaurant.com gift certificates as of July 1. Sorry for the inconvenience." Sorry?? BOO on you!! We specifically went to Grandville to go to Dave's, and worked everything else in. We could have gone the other direction just as easily. We were NOT happy. Dave is no longer famous in my book!!

At the mall I about had a breakdown. I was so hot, so weak, so tired. I had to walk with my cane. I just looked at all the people walking by and I was SO jealous. I'm like, "Look at how easily everyone is getting around, carrying all these shopping bags and corraling their kids, talking and laughing...and here I am struggling just to breathe and walk." It frustates me TO NO END that I cannot or have not just accepted this stupid disease. I've had it for TEN years for crap's sake. There's just part of me that can't, WON'T give in. While sometimes this has ket me alive, lately it has been to my detriment.

It annoys me that I'm jealous of them because I have no idea what their lives are like. Maybe they are on crack or bankrupt or stupid. How do I know?

I get worn down. I cry. I get frustrated. I pick myself up. I do okay. I get worn down. And so it goes. Part of me figures if I'm going to feel like crap, I might as well go out and do stuff feeling like crap instead of just sitting at home feeling like crap. Sorry, that was a load of crap in one sentence! : )

I don't know why I think I can convince myself I can do things I can't....just having a frustrating time. Ever since I went off my meds to have Jacob (which I would do all over again to have him), I haven't been the same. I don't think I ever will be. Damn this disease.

I hate it. I hate limitations and I hate feeling frustrated and I hate not doing what I want and need to do.

Well, that's the vent for today...I'll try to be back to my sunny self tomorrow!

Shells and Shops

First of all, I have to tell you the latest from my adorable child. We were driving in the truck and out of the blue Jacob says, "Mommy! I'm growing hair on my arms! That means I'm getting to be big like Daddy!" Oh my gosh. What a priceless child. I can't believe how much I love him, and how amazing and wonderful and brilliant he is. Even when he drives me crazy.

We went to two different beaches today to look for shells. We found some at the first one, and what I thought were prettier ones at the second one, Venice Beach. Venice was supposed to have shark teeth, but nope. Doug bought some for me instead : ) After that we went to some of the shops in Venice Beach. Very cool. Lots of fun. Lots of jewelry and shells and all kinds of pretty stuff. A lot of it overpriced, but pretty!

The BEST store on the PLANET is Bealls. It's pronounced Bells, which drives me nuts, because it should be pronounced "Beels." ANYWHO. The Bealls Outlet stores have the most amazing deals. It's just ridiculous. I got some of the coolest jewelry for like $3.00 a piece. I'm REALLY irritated though, because I bought the most PERFECT bracelet for my BFF Joanna, and they DIDN'T put it in the bag. I didn't notice until we were out of the area. AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! It was a gold bracelet with a gold seashell-pearl, pattern. GORGEOUS. I'm SO mad I could spit. But I got lots of other stuff she will love!!!

So we were out in the sun waaaay too much today...Jacob and I had 30 sun screen on , and still got burned...Doug of course didn't wear any. We found some really pretty shells though, and Jacob discovered the ocean surf. He at first just played in the sand "diggin holes in the dirt. I'm diggin' to Shina, Mom." (China) Then he was making "snow angels." I'm like, don't you mean SAND angels? He is so precious. Then he started playing "you can't catch me" with the surf, and in just a few minutes he was soaking wet from the waist down, covered in sand, laughing and having the best time ever. It was AWESOME.

Well, time to get ready for bed...tomorrow is the Pier, Aquarium, and the largest book store in Florida! YAY!

Girls Night Out

Last night Joanna and I had our Bible study Christmas party. Well, that's our story and we're sticking to it! : ) We went out for dinner to Applebee's and then shopping at Fashion Bug and WallyWorld. Yah. I know...hugely exciting. We had fun though. Til I called my husband and got chastised for shopping.

It just felt so good to be out with a girlfriend, hanging out, feeling almost normal after all of the BS we have BOTH been through. I got an awesome purse (with purple silky lining), an AMAZING sparkly black and purple shirt with purple pants, and a pair of black pants with this lacey kind of leopard print thingy (tasteful animal print)...and Joanna and I got matching necklace and earring sets because 1. they were on sale and 2. due to our love of all things purple, and 3. we're best girlfriends and love the same things! Lovely!

At Wally world I got a bunch of kitchen stuff for Doug for Christmas yet. And of course mac mac cheese for Jacob. : )

I will let Joanna tell you about the dog screaming neighbor at Applebees!!!